God Bless The TSA

Flying commercial can be a pain, there's no denying it. But I've had an epiphany, and it's altered my worldview. I am now compelled to rebuke all the selfish, narcissistic whiny little crybabies who've ever complained about it. You ungrateful malcontents should bow down in reverent obeisance whenever the hallowed name of the Transportation Security Administration is mentioned.

Owing to the Asian half of my ancestry, I use chopsticks as often as a knife and fork & always take a pair with me when I travel. But not on TSA's watch! TSA accepts its solemn obligation to protect all of you from the likes of me. The fearless sentinels at TSA (Propeller Beanies Upon Them) understand how the slant-eyed among us like nothing better than to lurk on airplanes, deviously twirling our mustaches, looking for unwary travelers to skewer, stab & impale.

With our chopsticks.

They confiscated my freaking hashi. To keep me from weaponizing them. Against you, fellow travelers. If you've flown in the US, you owe TSA (PBUT) your very lives. So get on your knees you drooling troglodytes, and shout ARIGATO to the heavens. DO IT NOW!

So let it be written, so let it be done

 

Were they metal or wooden?

 

Bamboo. On the same flight my chopsticks were banned, there was a woman knitting with whatever those long metal rods are that women knit with. We're in the best of hands.

 

Knitting needles -- I think you just gave a terrorist an idea.

 

Oh, boy. First world problems..

 

And DHS and TSA were the products of the deception of 911. And of course the Unpatriot Act too.

 

Once since 9/11 I've seen TSA put in their place when they pull their God act and start confiscating things. Exactly once.
We flew to Hawaii.
In Seattle the TSA minion found reason to inspect daughter's luggage. She was 16 at the time.
After pawing through her "unmentionables" for a few minutes he discovered her teensy pair of nail clippers.
They were about 2" long (seriously, never seen a nail clipper so small, it was like it was for Barbie).
The minion solemnly announced that these were prohibited and would be confiscated.

Daughter took exception. Politely. I was proud of her. She can, you see, be a bit of a nuisance when triggered.
She pointed out that even jamming the clippers into someone's eye would do little more than piss them off, there was no possibility they could be used to pry open a cockpit door, break a window, or harm even a baby if used as a missile.
The TSA minion stood his ground.
Daughter stood her ground.
Management was alerted.
After several minutes of whispered conversation the supervisor announced that indeed, the clippers would be confiscated.

The thing is, while we were awaiting the decision to come down from the mount chiseled on stone tablets we observed several people and their belongings being searched.
We saw a fountain pen that would make a great stabbing weapon. It had to be 6" long.
Daughter took note.
We saw knitting needles.
Daughter took note.
We saw a guitar broch the size of a real guitar.
Daughter took note.
We saw a walking cane the size of a 2X4.
Daughter took note.

When the decision to seize her property was solemnly announced daughter pointed out the inconsistency and especially pointed to the battering ram walking stick even then making it's way to the concourse.
She was advised that "medical implements" were excepted.
She pointed out the knitting needles, the oversized jewelry and a frozen bottle of water that happened by (this was before liquids were banned).
She was told that the TSA was doing the job mandated by CONGRESS TO SECURE THE SAFETY OF THE FLYING PUBLIC!! and unfortunately, that included seizing her clippers.
Daughter informed the supervisor that a) her clippers were in no way a threat to the mission of the TSA b) that in her opinion this was little more than an exhibition of authority without checks and c) She was certain that a further review would expose the absolute ridiculous position of TSA that a pair of nail clippers about the size of a zipper pull constituted a danger to the flying public.

Surprisingly, after a bit more contemplation, the supervisor handed back the clippers and suggested that in the future daughter consider leaving them at home.
Daughter took the high road with this victory and thanked the supervisor for his reconsideration.
And bitched about government overreach for the entire 5 hour flight to Honolulu.

Pretty sure that the supervisor reversed course when he realized that his position was indeed ridiculous and that daughter wasn't going to back down and could potentially expose TSA overreach. A slim possibility, but then TSA was still getting it's bearings.

As an aside, daughter attached the clippers to the inside zipper in her purse, as a sort of zipper pull. Never had another problem with TSA about it.

Well, except that two years later when she hijacked a 747 bound for Paris and used the clippers to slip the cockpit door lock. When they landed and she was taken into custody they confiscated her clippers and refused to return them.

 

TSA is a bloated dog & pony show that routinely records failure rates north of 70% whenever DHS tests their "security" by easily getting simulated weapons, drugs & explosives aboard undetected. The most critical vulnerability exposed by 9/11 has been solved: locked cockpit doors are now all but impossible to breach. The rest of it is smoke and mirrors. It's long past time to abolish the TSA and let the private sector take a crack at it.

 

Had a landlord that was a TSA agent for about 6 years. She was pretty much a real bitch but we only saw her once a month and she lived out of town.

One day she came and told us that she was being transferred across the country and she could either sell the place or we could act as landlords over our place and the other three units.

You see we were the senior tenants that caused her the least amount of trouble of all and had been there the longest.

Then she tells us oh by the way there's an insurance agent coming by in a day or so and we'd appreciate if you allow him to take pictures inside.

Funny thing was, day after Mr "insurance agent" took his photos and left, his face appears on the real estate sign for the for sale sign out front.

We found a new place and moved out the very next day with pleasure.

Not only was she an unpleasant person, she was also a sneaky manipulative liar.

 

We should copy Israel's airport security. They "eyeball" each passenger and some are interviewed. Even vehicles arriving at the airport are searched.

 

So Mayorkas confiscates chop sticks but let’s millions of unvetted illegals into this country and allows them to fly without ID.

 

Ah but you aren't a gerrymandering tool for the left. Illegals are the future of their party and you are not. They did tell you that the TSA, like the rest of government, is solidly liberal, right?

 

Sure the government is liberal. Sure the government workers all vote the democrat ticket. If you were a piglet and on the teat of mother hog, wouldn't you want mother hog to hang around and be protected? To hell with the barnyard.

 

The funny thing is that all of the TSA haters on here would scream "Biden did this", if a terrorist would actually be able to smuggle a weapon onto a plane.

 

The funny thing is that all of the TSA haters on here would scream "Trump did this", if a terrorist would actually be able to smuggle a weapon onto a plane.

 

Crazy.

I think the TSA has been watching too much sci-fi...

 

Bet you didn't know this.
At least monthly people do manage to board with all manner of weapons, including loaded guns. Thankfully, they are not terrorists.

This is not publicized but you can go to the TSA website and dig you'll find the stats.

It is true that Israel has the best air security in the world. We could learn from them.

 

I try to cut em some slack. Chances are high that agent who confiscated your (insert any random object that could concievably be used as a weapon here) knows just as well as you do that its ridiculous. They have to follow protocol to keep their job just like everyone else in big federally contracted corporations.

I try to reserve my frustration for FedGov. Thats who contracts them to rub your balls for you.

 

It is almost impossible to catch 100% of all prohibited items that people will try to bring onto an airplane, on purpose or by accident. Well, of course you can get a better hit rate by adopting Israel's security protocols. But then, I doubt that the average US traveler would put up with this. You know, freedom... Have you actually ever traveled to Tel Aviv? I have.

 

Should have put them in your suitcase. Now a TSA agent is eating all his chinese take-out with your chopsticks.

 

When DHS tests TSA "security," it routinely record failure rates north of 70%. And that's the average. I think it was Minneapolis-St. Paul that set the bar with a 95% failure rate, when it came to failing to detect the simulated weapons, explosives & drugs DHS brought in under their noses.

I remember my 1st flight after 9/11. It was summer, and I tan easily. My hair was jet black & I had a full beard. It would have not been unreasonable to have pegged me as Middle Eastern. I was honestly expecting to be taken aside. At the time I would have been encouraged, that they were taking things seriously. Nobody gave me a second glance. It was kind of jaw dropping to watch them put a frail, confused, elderly man on a walker thru the wringer. He was accompanied by his adult daughter, who was a little upset about it, & trying to explain her dad had Alzheimer's. One of the agents shouted at her "BACK OFF RIGHT NOW UNLESS YOU WANNA BE DETAINED!" I was incredulous and said "Seriously, bro?"

"That goes for you too, Sport!"

He called me Sport.

Nearly a quarter century later, it's 60k employees, unionized to the hilt, and just another bloated bureaucracy. At best. At worst, it's a joke. And not one that makes anyone laugh. Let's see how private contractors can do.

"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the Government, and I'm here to help."
~ Ronaldus Magnus

 

Yes ever growing government is only of value to the left and those employed by it.

 

I remember my first flight after 9/11.

The guy next to me says "anyone gets near that cockpit you go high, I'll go low".

I told him anyone gets near that cockpit I'll take them down, you cover my back.

The guy across the aisle said "And if there's a marshall on this flight he'll shoot all three of you".

After Shooter paid a bit more attention to this fellow across the aisle, he realized, he was probably looking at a marshall.

 

If it weren't for the Israeli government, there would not have been a 911. If not for 911 there would be no DHS. You likely missed that the first head of DHS was Michael Chertoff, a dual Israeli/US citizen.

DHS and TSA were designed by Israeli loyal Neocons like Chertoff and others.

 

So, the complaint of the day is.......missing chop sticks.