How to Speak Republican By Jonathan Bines | HuffPost | 10/24/11 02:20 PM ET Talking to a Republican can be frustrating. Often, it seems like they are speaking an entirely different language - and in many cases, they are! For this reason, in the hopes of facilitating cross-party dialogue and mutual understanding, I have compiled what I believe to be the first comprehensive Republican-to-English dictionary, featuring words commonly used by Republicans, and their English translations, alphabetized for your convenience: America (United States of): A country located in the N. Western Hemisphere that is #1. Bible: A sacred text that provides incontestable answers when thumped. Birth Certificate: An official birth record required of all US Presidents, regardless of race, since 2008. Capitalism: A system of economic organization that has never been attempted. Christmas: A holiday commemorating the birth of Jesus Christ, now rarely celebrated due to persecution by atheists. Compromise: (uncommon) A form of political suicide. Coast (East): A very bad coast of the continental United States. Coast (West): Another really inexcusable coast. Communism: The belief that the government should ever do anything. Condescending: Accurately informed. Constitution (U.S.): The hallowed founding document of the United States, the text of which must be interpreted strictly and amended immediately. Corporations: Large people who are overtaxed. Deficits: 1) Fiscal shortfalls incurred by Democrats that threaten to bankrupt the country. 2) Fiscal shortfalls incurred by Republicans that don't matter. Democrat: A political party. Election: A method of selecting representatives, the fraudulence of which may be determined by the outcome. Elitist: Qualified. Endangered Species: Animals that have it coming. Evolution: A theory of human origins that is out there. Extremist (Liberal): Espousing or adhering to political beliefs that are held by only a majority of Americans. Fact: Information that has been verifiably posted to a RedState comment board. Forest (National): Trees that have it coming. Gut: Region of the body from which decisions should be made. Homosexuality: A membership-only lifestyle organization that perpetuates itself through youth recruitment. Hitler: A man to whom it would be inappropriate to compare President Obama in spite of the many uncanny similarities. Jesus: Charismatic religious leader and son of God; born in Bethlehem in the year 0; beliefs include love, charity, enhanced interrogation, privatized healthcare, elimination of the estate tax, and the right to carry concealed semiautomatic weapons. League (Ivy): an association of eight Eastern universities and colleges, the lack of a fancy education from which qualifies a candidate for political office. Liberal: A person who should be rounded up and shot but not really. Marxism: A political and economic philosophy developed by Karl Marx and promulgated by Paul Krugman. Media (Mainstream): Where you won't hear things. Medicare: A fraudulent, socialistic boondoggle that is sacrosanct. Mexicans: Brown people who have it coming. Mountaintops: Ancient rock formations that have it coming. Muslims: Brown people who have it coming. News: Fox News Obamacare: A Federally-mandated policy to address the national oversupply of grandparents through euthanasia. continued:
continued: Organic: Eaten by lesbians. Party (Tea): A grass-roots movement of patriotic Americans fighting for the principle of "No Taxation With Representation." Poll: A survey used to determine, to within a margin of error, what percentage of Americans are right. Poverty: The condition of having inadequate financial or material resources due to not trying hard enough. Propaganda: The politically motivated dissemination of biased information, opinion, or data through its publication in the New York Times. Punishment (Capital): The legally authorized killing by the State of someone who is definitely guilty. Racism: A form of discrimination that typically happens in reverse. Regulation: Rules issued by a government agency for no reason. Ronald Reagan: A fictional character based loosely on President Ronald Reagan. Scientist: A person who employs a rigorous system of observation, experiment, measurement, and verification to perpetuate his Godless left-wing agenda. Social Security: A redistributionist Ponzi scheme that is sacrosanct. Socialism: An economic system invented by FDR. Taxes: Levies imposed by the government that raise more revenue the lower they are. Torture: A method of interrogation that does not rise to the level of torture. Terrorist: A person to whom a person who threatens to destroy the U.S. economy unless his demands are met should not be compared. Unbiased: Giving equal weight to both sides of the looking glass. Wealthy (the): People who earned every penny. Up: A direction which, depending on circumstances, is down. Warming (Global): An anomalous, anthropogenic increase in the earth's atmospheric and oceanic temperatures that isn't happening. Welfare: A government program to distribute Cadillacs to unwed mothers. Yes: (no translation available) http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jonathan-bines/republican-dictionary_b_1028841.html?ref=mostpopular . IMO: Jonathan Bines has the republican vocabulary (and republican mentality) totally on point. This is a varied, true compilation of their views, however misguided, and allows us to understand them a little better. When listening to a misguided republican/T-bagger, one wonders how they could be so wrong about everything and not know it, but that is part of the success of Fox News, whose motto is: Dont think, just believe us totally. And this is what republicans/T-baggers are so good at, spouting philosophies without having an understanding of them, but going along with it anyway, to be a part of a far right, gun-toting cult. tic
what a stupid, retarded, non humorous, pointless, unintelligent, flamebait, trolling, waste of space, thread. was this meant to be funny? if so it was an absolute and epic fail. my 12 year old could do better. oh wait it was posted by A 286 and came from the Huffington post...now I understand.
This thread really belongs in the humor and satire section. I'm sure to someone here, it is humorous.
..... My goodness, are republicans/T-baggers so desperate, so just beginning to understand their mistake that they cannot find any humor in anything? When humor becomes "Flame-Bait Garbage" to HB Surfer, he/she must be horribly confused....but explain to me what FBG is, please. Is it like your articles? Baby, if the truth hurts, just pass my article by and go on with your life. You really didn't NEED to reply, you know...
My New Conservative English Dictionary is much better: http://www.politicalforum.com/polit...9043-new-conservative-english-dictionary.html
..... Poor baby, did I hit a nerve, or what? You resorted to the republican/T-bagger usual tripe of insulting the article, then the Huffington Post, and then the poster....feel better now?....
I guess you didn't read the rules to the Forum? 14. Off Topic Posts, Trolling, Metaposts and Thread Disruption: While a certain amount of natural topic drift, particularly on longer threads, is inevitable the golden rule is IF YOU DONT WANT TO DISCUSS THE TOPIC, DONT POST IN THE THREAD! But, FYI, I found the thread to be fairly accurate. Guess some people don't like their toes stepped on?
I find it funny. But I have no party affiliation so I can not only laugh at both sides of the fence, I can mock them too! Only once and it was one of the best moments of my life!!
how to speak liberal... "lets make fun of Christianity, well because the churches won't fight back, so we can attack attack attack, and they won't do anything-The beta-males that we are need to attack someone who won't fight back to make our manhood look better"
I don't understand your comment. Are you suggesting that you were once eaten by a lesbian? Or that you once ate a lesbian? Or that you are a lesbian? Or that you're a free range chicken? Just curious.
Democrat version: America (United States of): Racist Bible: Racist Birth Certificate: Racist Capitalism: Racist etc.
....... Yep...TOO curious!! But one learns to expect these questions from a morally corrupt republican/T-bagger. Angry Taxpayer was merely telling us about 'one of the best moments of his life.' I respect his right to disclose that. Lesbians are much better lovers than males; they understand so much more...... Now go back to sleep...
Is it true that Colonel Sanders became a lesbian for the love of chicken? Hahaha. What do you call somebody who runs out of money half way through a sex change operation?
Since we're engaging in a little good natured broad brushing...allow me to resurrect an oldie for a rebuttle
Quit derailing the thread. If you want to start another thread to bash liberals, then do so, but to piggy back on a Republican bashing tread is dishonest and lazy. Oh, I found another thing that can be said about Republicans/cons, they are dishonest and lazy and tag on to another thread.
webrockk: Started to read your little epistle and must confess it was so boring I had to quit....are you boring toooo?
Classic Republican/Democrat joke by Ronnie [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QK3Eo9cScEQ"]Ronald Reagan tells joke about Democrats - YouTube[/ame]
