Wedding Etiquette and Gift-Giving

So I've been invited to a couple of weddings recently and I am wondering what the protocol is for gift-giving. My mom CLAIMS that the social convention is $100 for the meal to be given to the bride and groom. Of course, I find this ridiculous and insulting, that GUESTS are expected to shell out money to something they were INVITED to, but who am I to question arbitrary social conventions that are logically ass-backwards? So I'm wondering what our forum residents think. Am I obligated to shell out money or gifts if I am invited to a wedding? Is there some kind of unspoken rule that this is the case?

 

If you attend and do not offer a gift, you suck. You don't want to pay something, don't go.

Having said that, I am not of the mind many are, that by simply getting an invite you are obliged to send something if you aren't going. Unless it's close family.

I would be embarrassed to attend a wedding and not give at least $100.

 

Why? They invited me, didn't they?

I am seriously considering rejecting any and all future wedding invitations for that very reason. I just find it absurd that such an expectation exists. Can't pay, then don't come to the wedding! How insulting!

Not everyone can afford to shell out $100, though. If I ever get married, I will refuse gifts. This social convention is absurd and needs to die.

 

I kind of agree, but only because like tipping, it has gotten out of control. The original intent was to send off the newlyweds with a stipend from which they could start their lives, but it has become an obligation for the attendee and a right for the couple. I don't like it, the same way I hate (and ignore) Tip Jars at take out counters, like coffee shops, etc. But that's speaking as if I get an invite and don't go. No more sending a gift in my stead unless it's close family.

I really despise the idea that there is this collective guilt passed around where people feel obligated to hand out cash. I've had it with that. But if you choose to go, you ought to bring a nice gift. Do not EVER give a gift for an "engagement" party. I got scammed on one of those 25 years ago. Couple breaks up and they keep the gift. F**k that.

 

whats a lousy 1oo bucks.a couple hours of wages..big deal..your mom is right ..listen to her she sounds alot smarter than you

 

I can't really afford anything "nice". I am just going because I had assumed that people actually wanted their friends and loved ones to attend their wedding and enjoy themselves, but I guess I was way off...

 

I don't have "wages" right now. A hundred dollars is a big deal to me.

 

WHAT..al that liberal hope and change isnt working out too well for you..

 

Please stay on topic.

 

i am ..its not that hard to rise a 100 bucks..work for it..ask you mom..parents know kids are for life so we always help our kids out..i know i have three myself

 

My mom can't afford it and neither can my dad. Times are tight. But that is not the point; even if it were a dollar, I would object because such an expectation is antithetical to the concept of an INVITED GUEST. If you invite someone to your wedding, the only thing you should expect is their attendance.

 

a C-note seems reasonable...for a couple. when i was in food service, many moons ago, dinners were normally $20 a plate and an open bar was $19 a head with the room thrown in for free. i'm sure rates haven't gone up that much in 30 years.

 

if you do, you'll realize it's not your party and you don't have a say in the matter.

 

$100 is a lot of money to me. Its just throw away money TO YOU.

 

it's a wedding, not your 3rd cousin's 5th birthday. nobody has to go and if you give nothing no one will know until the rumor mill tells them.

 

Why does it seem reasonable for invited guests to compensate their hosts? Giving a gift and paying up are two different things in my mind.

 

You're dead wrong on that one.

 

So, basically, if you are financially strapped, you should just not go to the wedding.

 

you're gonna learn the hard way.

good luck on your second engagement.

 

how close are you to the couple?

 

You don't need to give money as a gift. A thoughtful gift is appreciated to help get a household started. Think of something like a crock pot, some nice linen guest towels, a small piece of lovely crystal. I think the intention is the thought put into a gift for your friends and not the price.
You could even get a nice book of recipes with a few of your own put in.
You are not contributing to the cost of the wedding with a gift but helping your friends start a life as a couple.

 

yeah, that works too. it's easier if the bride is registered @Walmart.


and no, i did not just make that up. http://www.walmart.com/giftregistry...wal+mart+bridal+registry&search_redirect=true

 

No, the last wedding I went to was strictly for the food and open bar, the trick is to blend in with the crowd upon entering. It's easy to sneak by the gift table, without getting noticed.

Now, you're in, free reign.

 

we're talking about ones that you have been invited to.

 

i was invited, but if their expecting you, and you're worried about your reputation, probably best to bring a gift, than appear like a free loader later on.