Ok so like apparently for the last few months my mother has been sleeping with her next door neighbour who is 79 and a somewhat militant lesbian man hater. don't get me wrong i love gays and lesbians just as much as anyone... But this woman is vile...She has my mother complaining about my dead father of 30 years....apparently he never gave her time to orgasm or any oral gratification down there... YES!!!! i have to listen to this stuff every time i'm with me mm now.... it's got me crazy..... apparently i don't want my mom to be happy....actually i do ...i just don't want to hear about her new found lesbian life... they neck in from of me.....I'm not a homophobe....search other threads in here and see that i'm not a homophobe....the necking drive's me bonkers... this woman is uber manly looking and wears mens clothes all the time....she buys mens shirts with the buttons on the other side.... help me ....please...i need to understand this ....... the woman sleeps over and makes me mum breakfast.....no big whoop....but they brag about it....like i don't care ...but do they have to tell me they slept together last night...and oh look at how your mom is glowing..... nightmare.....
I'll begin by referring you to my answer to another member's similar issues: http://www.politicalforum.com/4947599-post25.html People in love tend to be oblivious to how it affects those around them, and if they feel they've been denied the free expression of who they are for much of their lives, it's not too surprising that they might go a bit overboard once they taste real freedom to be themselves. Have you considered that maybe your mother has a LOT of pent up anger over the years she spent with your father? I'm not saying she should take that out on you. I'm also not saying that you have to listen to it, either. Just suggesting that you try to see things from your mother's point of view. Tell your mother that while you love her and want her to be happy, it makes you uncomfortable to listen to the details of her sex life - whether it's her past with your father or the present with her new partner. Ask her to respect your feelings in the matter. At the same time, if your mother is in her own home, you frankly don't get a lot of say in how she behaves. Her house, her rules. If she's living in yours, that's another matter - your house, your rules. As for how her partner dresses, etc. - get over it already. Not everyone sees a need to play by society's unwritten rules for gender roles. You're not going to change her - so don't make it an issue that will end up dividing you and your mother. As for man-hating, given their ages, I'm not so surprised. They lived through a time when our society was still very patriarchal. Imagine what it would be like to be an independent woman trying to make your way during such a time. I look at my own mother, and though she's had a good life, I feel bad for her that she was so held back by the society she lived in. She could easily have gone to college and maybe have realized her full potential. But few women did that sort of thing in the place and time that my mother grew up. She wanted to take bookkeeping in school, and they wouldn't even let her do that - "You don't need bookkeeping - your husband will handle the family finances". Well, my father never did, so my mother had to teach herself. Despite her age (she's 84), she was an early adopter of computer technology - even re-writing basic code without any training whatsoever. Point being, your mother probably has years of resentment about her situation. Cut her some slack.
you know this helps....it really does.... i just don't want it to bug me so much..... the theme in your post and in the bar and grill....IS THE FACT SHE IS HAPPY.... i should be happy for her....but i vision her doing this stuff with this uber manly woman....total militant bull dyke .....sigh..... nightmare..... she is friggin 88 years old for crying out loud!!!!!! sigh...... this madwoman has taken her away from me and my dead father....he was good to her.....and why should they have to tell me....he never went downtown..... my mom changed big time.... God it's a nightmare.....
I think it's completely inappropriate for your mom/dad to talk openly about their sex lives no matter what the type of sex is, and I think that's the problem here - not your mother's sexuality. I guess however though that what makes it more shocking is because you never expected it and for her to be in a lesbian relationship seems crazy and alien to you. Some homophobic attitudes may surfacing themselves in your mind, I'm not going to sugar coat it - but it's probably very likely primarily the fact that she's old, your mother, and talking openly about her sex life. Would you feel the same way if it was a man and she was telling you what they do together?
You should be happy for her. It is, after all, her life - not yours that you can dictate to her what to feel, how to be happy, nor whom with. Especially at her age - she doesn't probablly have a lot of time left to be happy. You aren't sleeping with her partner, so why do you care if she's a "uber manly woman"? As for "total militant bull dyke", that's your perception of her, and it's frankly not flattering to you. Maybe your perception of it is spot on, or maybe you just resent her taking your mother away from you. Or possibly a bit of both. Regardless, the point is that you can't control other people, and if you try, then you're being a total jerk. If your mother's partner is a jerk to you because she's a "manhater", so what? Does her opinion hold any value to you? Are you going to let her control you? Oh, and here's another thing - you think your father was good to your mother, but parents hide a lot of stuff from their children. For all the good you witnessed, there may have been plenty bad that you didn't. Clearly your mother wasn't satisfied (and I don't mean only sexually). So you now know some things about your mother's & father's relationship that you would rather not have learned. So your image of your father is maybe not as perfect as it once was. People's parents usually turn out to be a disappointment once they fall off their pedestals. At some point though, you have to learn to value their good points and overlook their warts. Your mother is 88. Unless she's not fully in command of her faculties, and this other woman is somehow taking advantage of such a situation, I don't see that there's much you can do about it. Actually, unless you have her power of attorney, there's probably very little you can do even if there is something going on that isn't cricket. Coming from a family where I've seen how dementia destroys people, I say value what you have of her while you can.
I feel for you...that has to be a very awkward situation. Honestly, it could be your mom is just very lonely and in need of some companionship. She is pretty up there in age and probably doesn't want to live out the golden years of her life alone with no one to spend it with.
I realize all this...but it doesn't comfort me when some woman is explaining to me ...out of the flipping blue...that my mother never masturbated... i would be happy going back to talking about her bowel movements....i used to joke about how her bowel movements were the big conversation for her when she turned 70.... i don't bring this stuff up....it's like this Bull dyke wants to bother me....she stole my mother and all the memories are now tainted....
Tell them you don't need to know these details, and that you find their raising of them both pointless and tasteless. It would seem your only choice is to either accept the situation or distance yourself from them. Sad. Very sad.
I am glad that Perriquine cited my thread. I am still having some issues with it. I don't believe it is because he is gay..... I think it is because we have *very* different ways of handling things. I am practically a prude. Meh.
