The title isn't a typo. I'm getting to the point where I can't quite call myself an atheist anymore, but I'm still not sure about fully embracing theism. Yes, I'm still going to defend atheism and atheists because I do value the intellectual honesty in that pursuit and because I am not going to pretend that my reasons for converting should be persuasive to others. Based on some personal experiences and some philosophical exploration, I'm embracing panpsychism a bit more now, and I do believe in some sort of universal pseudo-consciousness. As in, not necessarily like our own consciousness, but also not inert. Something similar to the God of Spinoza. Oddly enough, I've discussed this topic in great detail with my more hardline atheist friends, and they've been completely accepting, with some of them saying that they think the differences between us are largely semantic. Some of them are completely reductionist physicalists, and they know I've never really found that philosophy convincing, but we still have a good time talking about it. Anyway, I'm mostly just throwing this out there because I'll be treating this thread as kind of a journal for processing my thoughts and I'd be curious to see the responses.
Interestingly enough.... I was on one of Richard Dawkins discussion forums and I was told that my idea of The Being of Light of near death experience fame "EVOLVING" and learning over something like infinite time in the past........ ... was a valid branch of "Atheism?" A less diplomatic Admin of that same forum later on banned me..... ... the other more dogmatic thinker found my idea to be highly offensive...... ... I am glad that you are able to word your ideas in such a way that you do not so offend your Atheist friends because I was unable to be that diplomatic myself. www.CarbonBias.blogspot.ca/ At this time my belief is that our Creator is composed of something like Energy from Quantum Vacuum.
It's not like we always agree, but you are probably the least offensive person I've met on this forum. I don't see how you could possibly get banned from a forum. I do also want to acknowledge that the discussions that you and I have had about universalism were a big part of this voyage of mine.
Wow! Thank you! I have a rather funny story to tell you....... ... for ten years I regularly used four letter words when I would pray...... ... I was actually attempting to get Messiah Yeshua - Jesus angry with me....... ..... I was furious with Him.......... ... partly because my EXPECTATIONS of Messiah Yeshua - Jesus were through the roof high........ but when I began to research those negative near death experience accounts....... I myself went into such a theological crisis that practically every time that I would attempt to talk to Jesus....... I would get angry with Jesus...... and start using four letter words again???!!!!! We east coast of Canada people are kind of strange...... My all time record for getting myself kicked out of churches is two.. .in roughly one month back in 1991. One of the reasons why I felt a responsibility to attempt to reach out through the internet to Satanists...... is that I actually seemed to fit in pretty good on a couple of Satanist discussion forums back in 2003 and 2004...... ... until the guy who invited me over cursed me upside down and told me to get out of there..... for the record.... my theory is that he saved my life....... because my case for Eventual Universal Salvation.... [even for Azazel]......... was really messing up the type of emotional atmosphere that the leadership of those Satanist forums seemed to feel was necessary...... for the next phase of "Satanism???" I want to start an online outreach to Satanists.... 1990 to 2000 were my ten years of theological crisis.....
Well, yes, it does seem that as we age and go through more life experiences, we grow beyond atheism, at least those of us who have experienced or follow topics like NDE and similar spiritual stuff. It seems atheism is a middle ground, not the end destination. Although my therapist of 10 years ago said that atheists tend to go back to religion in the end, so it was hardly a secret. The real question is what do we want to become?
That's possibly part of my motivation. I hope not. But it does coincide with, not myself, but three of the closest people in my life now getting close to death.
My goal definitely isn't to denigrate atheists, and I've known many people who have had kind of the reverse of my own conversion. I also want to be very clear: I don't think NDEs and other personal experiences are very good evidence. I can see where they are PERSONAL reasons for believing (they are part of my personal reasons) for those who have experienced them, but they aren't very good general evidence. There are just too many mutually exclusive experiences for it to be a reason beyond the personal. My own personal experiences are far more related to paganism than Christianity. So, Apollo, Hermes, and Athena are my favorite deities, and I've meditated on them even as a non-believer. But I will occasionally, I don't know how to put it, "petititon" them? And when I do, I typically get a response, sometimes very dramatic responses granting me the signs I've requested. But I can also see how another would see this as a coincidence. And I don't blame them. My experiences are great for my personal belief, but I don't expect anyone else to believe or even respect them.
Atheists tend to have some of the most astonishing near death experience accounts........ ... it is almost as if The Being of Light of near death experience fame can speak and teach Atheists....... ... about topics and ideas that Theists cannot quite handle....... I suppose due to their preconceptions. An Analysis of the Near-Death Experiences of Atheists BY KEVIN WILLIAMSPOSTED ON SEPTEMBER 24, 2019
That's interesting. I've noticed a similar trend in the experience of some of my atheist friends under . . . shall we say altered states of consciousness that may or may not be okay for me to talk about on the forum due to the methods used for inducing those states.
Yes...... some of the highest IQ scores ever recorded happened when some testing was done that could remind us of....... Larry Hagman’s LSD Near-Death Experience BY KEVIN WILLIAMSPOSTED ON SEPTEMBER 21, 2019
I'm probably going to pick your brain (the joke here was not intentional) about split brain experiments at some point. There seems to be pretty good evidence that we have, kind of, more than one mind. They can operate independently, but can also come together as one mind, such as what we experience in our day to day lives. But if multiple minds within my own head can be part of one mind, then what about the minds in other heads? Are we one? Or can we be? That's kind of my view of universalism at this point.
I have a lot of questions regarding some really weird stuff that I personally experienced, especially beginning in 1990. Could... the devils or demons referred to by Messiah Yeshua - Jesus have been the consciousness of other versions of us from previous time periods???? Could what would appear to be "demonic possession" be a version of ourselves from the 1500's... feeling such guilt or shame regarding their actions back then... that they try to take over in me, for example in 1990... in order to attempt to amend somewhat for their actions from the past. I actually have been given some hints regarding one possible past life but... I have zero conscious memories from any past life. While I took a nutritional product called Matol I did become amazingly "psychic" and I began to see auras.... at least around flocks of birds. http://www.allaboutchristian.com/spirituality/index.html
Okay, I'm going to go beyond my usual comfort zone here and get really out there on the philosophical side. Is it possible that the "demonic" influences are the more isolating influences, the thoughts that distance us from empathetic connection to others and that the "angelic" influences are the ones drawing us closer toward that kind of unification? I'd go further and say that, if I'm onto something here, that we still need the "demonic" influences.
In a way.... I truly feel that I can say that I met the Devil three times face to face between the Autumn of 1990 to the Spring of 1992. Experts in the occult might disagree with my usage of the word Devil though... and they might tell me that I met "Pan"... and I could not disagree with them..... because I would be open to the possibility that they might well be correct???????? My usage of the phrase "face to face" is probably incorrect because perhaps I had an out of the body experience..... or perhaps it was an "open vision"..... I really am not entirely certain what it was that I experienced but...... ..... I was really, really, really, really impressed by how positive and encouraging my three meetings with the Devil went back over 32 years ago. My expectations for The Devil or Pan or anybody who would appear to be "Satanic" were really, extremely incredibly low but..... The DEvil that I met in a way talked me out of committing suicide by quoting the Bible to me and asking me the question : "What doest thou here Elijah???" I looked to the right and saw darkness..... then I looked to the left and saw darkness........ then I clued that he meant me....... and I took the bullet out of the 30.30 Winchester that I was holding???!!!!!
