This is a brilliantly funny (but true) take on meteorological hype and the latest (REAL) "arctic blast" that has plunged much of the nation into sub-zero temperatures. It was written by Hagerstown, MD (Herald Mail) newspaper columnist/humorist, Tim Rowland. This particular piece is so well written that I though I'd share it with you in its entirety. [HR][/HR] "OK, are you happy now? Happy you wasted the term arctic blast back in December for a weather event that basically amounted to temperatures in the high 30s? Thats all we heard last month, week after week, it was arctic blast this, and arctic blast that. It was, after all, winter. But it just wasnt winter enough. The best I can describe it, its a singular phenomenon resulting from meteorological boredom, when the Blue Raincoat Crew at the Weather Channel doesnt have anything meaningful to report and is forced to fall back on making the normal sound abnormal. It is like a friend I had friend is kind of a loose word, really, although I do seem to have collected a stable of acquaintances with anger issues who had borderline psychotic episodes over the advent of the term carjacking, which came into widespread use 20 years ago. Carjacking. Do you believe that? Carjacking! he would rage. We never called it carjacking, we called it.... at this point he would temporarily seize up for a minute as he performed a vocabulary inventory with the commitment of one who wishes to be precise. We called it grabbing someone and hitting them, and taking their car. So this is what happens when we use terms such as arctic blast frivolously. And, well, apparently God wasnt amused. Oh, you want an arctic blast do you, well I got your arctic blast right here. Except that this produces a new problem for the Blue Raincoat Crew, doesnt it? Since theyve already gone through arctic blast like a child through Halloween candy, where to they go from here? Well, they will be happy to tell you: Its the feared polar vortex. The PV is apparently different from the arctic blast in that and stick with me here, because I am about to use some technical meteorological terminology its colder. How cold is it? Funny you should ask. Its so cold the hens are laying hard-boiled eggs. No wait, I pulled that out of the hot-weather-joke warehouse. My bad. But really, polar vortex? Oh come on, you stole that from The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Everybody in the audience shouts, Oh no, not the hydromagnetic polar vortex! before Frank N. Furter throws the switch. And would an arctic vortex be worse than a polar vortex? I mean, we have to go somewhere from here, right, in the event that it gets even colder. Maybe that would be the arctic polar blast vortex. But no, there are more names for very cold weather, including mignogno cyclones, polar vortices, arctic cyclones, subpolar cyclones and the circumpolar whirl, according to Wikipedia. So we have that to look forward to. Or no, wait, I got it. The bipolar vortex. Itll still be 20 below, but at some point you know youll be really excited about it, which, having been born in Minnesota, I usually am. Except that this week I read that they are actually canceling schools in Minnesota because of the extreme cold. Too cold on the prairie for kids to go to school? Are you serious? Somewhere, Laura Ingalls Wilder is vortexing in her grave. See Tim Rowland - I'll see your 'arctic blast' and raise you a 'polar vortex' Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist. He can be reached at 301-733-5131, ext. 6997, or via email at timr@herald-mail.com."
A polar vortex is a specific weather stituation that has been known for a long time. This isn't a media word.
Duhhh. No (*)(*)(*)(*)! But he wasn't saying these terms were invented for weather peoples' glory. He was satirizing the meteorological media's tendency to hype weather conditions when things aren't exciting enough - like they did through December when temps dropped from in their local average range in the 40s down into the 30s, calling THAT an "arctic blast"! But you know that so why am I even wasting words...
Granny wantin' to know, "Den how come dat polar vortex is freezin' our butts off?... Arctic warming hits overdrive, at twice the global pace Thu, Dec 15, 2016 - Warming at the top of the world has gone into overdrive, happening twice as fast as the rest of the globe and extending unnatural heating into fall and winter, according to a new US federal report.
Temperatures plunged to near minus 30 in upstate New York early Tuesday, a day after a storm dumped more than a foot of snow from Buffalo to the Hudson Valley. The National Weather Service said the coldest spot in the country was Glens Falls, 45 miles north of Albany, at minus 27. It also plunged to 21 below zero in Watertown, near Lake Ontario's eastern end. http://www.msn.com/en-us/weather/to...e-dealing-with-sub-zero-wind-chill/ar-AA8U8ya
Micro climates can be deceptive and transients may not be suggestive of long term trends. Consider that a warmer climate will likely drive Western Europe to conditions more like those in Siberia. This because the warm waters driven by the oceanic conveyor system, which moderate temperatures in W Europe, is slowing, due to global warming.
Co-incides with Christmas coronal ejection event... Arctic heatwave could break records Sat, 24 Dec 2016 - Temperatures at the North Pole could be up to 20 degrees higher than average this Christmas Eve.
That hit on election day. But temps were already exceedingly high in October http://www.accuweather.com/en/weather-blogs/climatechange/nasa-releases-october-global-t/61594776
possum worried `bout Santa... The Arctic is 'behaving so bizarrely': Warm North Pole corresponds with cold air over Alaska and Siberia Sunday 25th December, 2016 - Last month, temperatures in the high Arctic spiked dramatically, some 36 degrees Fahrenheit above normal a move that corresponded with record low levels of Arctic sea ice during a time of year when this ice is supposed to be expanding during the freezing polar night. See also: North Pole warms up, Santa might be in trouble! Saturday 24th December, 2016 - This Christmas, environmentalists and weather forecasters have revealed shocking facts. According to reports, the North Pole is expected to witness a record breaking heatwave, with temperatures forecast to reach 20 degrees higher than average on Christmas Eve.
