Marijuana Legalization will Destroy Texas by Faux News reporter Cletus Van Damme Hello to all my fellow Texans out there. As much as I hate to be the bearer of bad news, I wanna talk to you about the efforts being made to legalize the dangerous drug marijuana in Texas. I know firsthand just how dangerous this drug is, I actually tried it once when I ran out of vodka, and still felt halfway sober. What they say is true, it definatly is a gateway drug, because I only smoked one joint, and it almost ruined my life. After the very first hit, I started to develop a craving for heroin. After a few more hits I felt a strong urge to smoke crack. By the time I finished the joint, I was hooked on 10 different drugs! Not only that, but I could actually feel myself turning into a homosexual communist. We need to keep this drug illegal in Texas, and only keep safe drugs like alcohol legal. It's just common sense. And allow me to give you another piece of advice regarding safe driving when you've been drinking. It's one of them there fancy mathmatical formulas, see what ya do is, you divide the number of shots by your age, and then you know how much you can safely drink before firing up that ol' V-8 and headin' home to the misses. Let me give you an example, so I can learn you right. If you are 30 years old, don't drink over 15 shots of moonshine before you drive home, and you'll be just fine. And if you happen to walk by some commie potheads smokin' a joint and accidentally inhale any of the poisonous second hand smoke, immediatly put your finger in your mouth, and keep it there until you throw up. That should get the poison out. Well, thanks for takin' the time to read this and remember - legal marijuana will be the downfall of Texas!
