I was puttering around my garage the other day [with a podcast on in the background] and heard something quite interesting [the topic was the problem with successful women finding mates]. With more and more women taking the serious success track, these intelligent, attractive, conscientious, and highly successful women have run into two major problems when searching for a potential mate as they move into their in their 30's and beyond. The first issue is that almost all women desire a guy who is more driven and more successful than is she. Here, the problem lies in the fact that there aren't very many guys out there that tick-off all the boxes, i.e., single, looking for a LTR, tall, handsome, athletic, intelligent, nice guy, will to share EVERYTHING, yes, these high achieving women demand the whole nine [and who can blame them?]. The second is that the guys these women desire [35-45 yo] DO NOT desire them. Not very many guys want women who are like guys, instead, they would like to be with women who are more like traditional women [the same as women would like to be with a traditional man]. And then, add in the age thing. Guys who tick off all the boxes literally have their choice [as every woman wants them]. I would imagine many of these guys in the 35-45 age range are looking at women in their 20's. Why wouldn't they? Anecdotally, I have known and worked with many highly successful women and they were [without exception] very nice and incredibly competent in their field of expertise, but I would never be interested in being with any of them. As it turns out, most of them had very difficult marriages or were already divorced. All these women were great to hang out with though [because they were like guys in many ways]. The bottom-line is that guys don't want to have to compete with their wife anymore than a woman wants to compete with her husband. Blurring the lines between men's and women's roles has not worked out so well thus far, so women are going to have to re-think their priorities or there are going to be even more lonely women out there going forward.
I think part of the issue is how excessive work stress affects women, or how men perceive women who are under this stress. Possibly even additional stress caused by a full time "male-type" career on top of the stresses from roles women are already expected to play. When women are under that type of stress, it can put a huge strain on marriage relationships. That's an anecdotal observation. Why this uniquely affects women more than men would be a complicated discussion.
I don't believe it does...it's just that men are sort of cut a break because everybody realizes the pressure this type of work and responsibility insures. Women with this kind of responsibility essentially become "men-like" and it's not a very good look. It's why men are not interested in high achieving women.
You should stop listening to incel podcasts., Nonsense. This is just a misogynist excuse to keep women out of the workforce. Did not expect you to go full RadFem and burst out in a "all men are trash". Speak for yourself. Because a 38 year old lawyer has nothing in common with a 22 year old college student. He does not even know what TikTok is. Why not? Insecure? So, in other words, you do not prefer women to be comoetent and fun to be around? Idk. Competent and fun sounds like the ideal woman to me. Or maybe men need to step up.
I am, but I would bet it's a pretty safe to assume that a guy [about 40] who checks off all the boxes and has his choice of who he would like as a wife would choose a woman in her late 20's who has it very together. Everything else being equal, she is going to be more attractive, she will be a healthier age for having children and being a mother and, as well, she will have avoided the 30's crisis many of these highly successful women are going through. On top of that, she will be prioritizing her family over her career, something almost all highly successful men would want for their children's development [and for themselves].
Men also have boxes to check. The hard part is finding someone whose boxes you check that checks your boxes. I'm back on the market and I find myself slowing myself down by playing defense. I'm still not sure it's worth the trouble.
I think one should be extremely careful with making generalisations like this one. To me it seems like you are doing an awful of a lot of psychologisation and way too much deductive reasoning. Romantic relationships are very complicated and so are individuals. Healthy dating does not start with a checklist, you are not exactly looking for a new car. I cannot relate to what you are presenting here at all.
First of all, it's not about you. Second of all, you need to learn how women [who are highly desirable] choose men. You are right, it's not like buying a car, it's more like applying for a USD100M loan. These types of women are what they are because they do their homework. They are trying to maximize their value on the market. I know it sounds a bit rough, but that's what it is. It's men who are looking for the fantasy woman [beautiful, down to earth, loyal, etc.].
My only liberal brother is married to a woman that completely supports him. He literally plays the woman’s role in the marriage. He does the dishes, tends to the garden, goes to the gym to be a trophy husband, all while being the stay at home husband. He’s very much feminine in my opinion. He drives me crazy. Extremely liberal and our personalities don’t match. I could never play the role he does, it makes me sick. My point is that they can find men like that but it’s likely they’ll play the b**** in the marriage.
What's missing from the discussion above is the fact that while the men these women wish to have exist in tiny numbers, and nowhere near enough for all these highly driven and successful women, the women these men want still exist in huge numbers overseas.
it is a catch 22, most women like to date up (men more successful than themselves).... most men have no issue dating down (women less successful them themselves) Successful men really are not looking for older boss women , just the reality of it women have to date down if they want to be the boss women , only way it works, if women want to play the masculine role, they need to date feminine men, but most successful boss women do not want feminine men example a successful man has no issue dating a good woman that is a waitress a successful woman doesn't want to date a good man that is a bus driver, she sees herself as above that now obviously there are exceptions, the exceptions can work out, but they are rarer with time, this may all change, but that is what I see happening in today's world
Yes, and it's more of a problem for these women than for men. As women in the west get more and more absorbed by hypergamy, the men they don't want can still find women overseas.
exactly, because more women are attracted to successful masculine men then men are attracted to successful masculine women kinda like more men are attracted to women shorter than themselves then women are attracted to men shorter than themselves there were evolutionary benefits to survival that allowed those with these attractions to survive and reproduce more is my guess, and thus they became more dominate traits of human male and females people can be whatever they want, but reality still is what it is with time, things can change, but change often doesn't happen overnight
O why? Disagree Im all for women entering the workforce even being bosses they are a lot easier to get along with and impress. If women wants the most desirable men they need to be desirable to those men Traditions are traditions for a reason/ Yeah they actually can have things in common. the rule that says they cant is disproven by the existence of relationships like this. I am 41 and i know what TikTok is Sure. if someone is insecure with a particular partner, they probably should find someone more like what they are looking for. It isn't something to be ashamed of if someone is more interested in being dominate and you aren't into that move on. No shame in it. Nobody should feel ashamed of that. understand your boundaries. If that is enough for you I think your cup will run over. Those that don't will just have to miss out on all of this and find someone that brings them peace. I would take that option over stepping up. I would be okay with people telling me I am insecure if I am a 38-year-old lawyer that gets to go home and get down with a 22-year-old that loves me and will cook a beautiful meal for me. I mean yuck who wants that being challenged constantly proves that i can step up and that's something I guess
I disagree with you. healthy dating absolutely starts with a checklist. Ever hear of red flags and deal breakers those are check lists. The first check is you have to be attracted.
TBH, I have yet to meet a highly driven career oriented single woman. Pretty much the only women I know who checks all those boxes are married up (usually to someone in the same career field). I've met quite a few, however, that seem highly driven to have babies which possibly is a career move because you would be writing them checks every month for the next 18 years.
Women are programmed evolutionarily to be the submissive in a domestic partnership. Basically, women who were submissive survived to reproduce more often. While that relationship isn't necessary in the modern world, the programming is still there. Overcoming obsolete evolutionary programming, while necessary tor the advancement of modern society, isn't easy. We're in a state of being now where women are still emotionally attracted to dominant men, but they reason that they shouldn't be dominated by the dominant men they're attracted to. This is movement in a positive direction, toward equality in the relationship, but it certainly does make life difficult in the interim...
