What should this Woman Tell Her Son?

And if he was cheating and got his mistress pregnant, that kid would be his fault and his responsibility. Regardless, the woman made the choice to cheat. Her husband making her angry, neglecting her, etc is no justification for cheating. That was her own choice. Whatever came of it, whether it be a child or an STD, would be her fault.

 

I second a definition for masculine honor, sounds appealing.

 

I'd be much more embarrassed at having to explain to my kids why I was such a limp-wristed loser that I didn't stone the bimbo who cheated on me.

 

No actually being a great dad requires character - a man has to have character and self-reliance in order to be a real dad - a 'limp wristed loser' (as the OP put it) who doesn't have enough self-worth to demand respect in a relationship isn't someone I'd want a kid getting their values from.

I'd be no different than a woman who's husband abuses her or cheats on her, but chooses to stay with him just because she's too low in self-esteem to think she can do any better - so she would make a terrible mother, because she wouldn't be able to teach her children self-respect, and they would be more likely to think that is the norm, and enter similarly exploitative relationships when they reach adulthood.

There's a difference between being a caretaker and being a real 'dad' or a parent, this guy is not.

 

Since when does stating the obvious equate to "sitting in judgment of others"?

Yes, I can imagine the "benefits" when the guy's kids find out they've been sharing a house with a child of their mother's adultery.

I never said anything like that, obviously.

I'm sure they didn't, in the eyes of those whose understanding of human nature is disgracefully addled.

 

The child wouldn't be abandoned, the woman would be free to raise it on her own, and pursue child support from the man she had the affair with.

It was never legally or biologically his child to begin with so, there is no 'abandonment' at all.

 

He has already established himself as the father figure in that child's life. Once you have established yourself as some parental figure in the child's world and then leave them, they will always view it as abandonment no matter how the adult sees it.

If he had chosen to leave when the child was just born and not been involved in the child's life then sure, he would not be abandoning it, it is not his, he has no responsibility. But he chose to be responsible for the child and if he chooses to rid himself of that responsibility now it can only be viewed as abandoning the responsibility he chose to take on his own shoulders.

It is once he has established his parenthood towards the child. If you adopt a child and then leave it you are abandoning that child. It is no different if you have not legally 'adopted' the child from your wife's extramarital affair. He has established himself as a parent in the eyes of the child and everyone involved, to leave the child now would be abandoning it. Biological relation is irrelevant.

 

Yeah he made a stupid decision by deciding to keep the child, and now the child's going to have to suffer once he realizes that he isn't his real father, and that his mom is a cheater.

He should've been a man and terminated the relationship right when he first found out.

 

Who knows if it was really stupid though, from your perspective it might be and from my perspective it's very noble. To the man himself though, who knows, he might just be doing what he truly believes is right. We don't know all the details or his personal thoughts on the matter. We only have one post by the woman herself to go off of. For all we know he could very well love the child like his own, he could have thought out the whole situation thoroughly, he could have patched things up with his wife and be on much better terms with her. Who knows. We can only speculate.

If my man ever cheats on me I am cutting it and running. I have been in the ups and downs and all the emotional trauma of being in a relationship with someone who was not emotionally or even physically there for me. I could never do it again. If it were me I definitely would have said, screw it, I'm out. But we all have a choice and this man chose to stay, whether it's for better or worse we'll never really know.

 

I believe that it's wrong for a man to stay in a relationship with someone who cheated on them - if he wants be involved in the kid's life then that's fine, however he should have terminated the relationship and not identified himself as the kid's daddy.

 

What should this woman tell her son?
"Son, your mother is a skank, your daddy`s a wimp, have a great future."

 

And I and most other people believe that they should be free to make their own choices in life.

Goodness, we sure have a lot of people showing off their controlling mentality quite a bit here. It's amazing how many here want to have so much control in the decision making choices of other people's lives and if they make a choice they dislike then judge them, put them down, call them stupid and bad people. How insane is that?

 

Sorry, when you are married all bets are off. You are legally and morally one person, which means that each of you has a solemn responsibility to the other and violation of that responsibility is a social crime of the highest order. its not about control it is about protection of the long term financial and emotional investment!!!

 

great theory, but speculation. One fact we are SURE of.... she cheated.... don't try to deflect from that because it's simply a woman who got caught. I'm sure there wasabreakdown in the marraige.... but when my marriage was failing, I still didn't cheat.

The other guy was just as responsible, and should be on the hook, but under current law, the husband, not the affair, is the guy on the hook for her getting pregnant.

So out of the husband and wife.... the only one to blame for the pregnancy, is the wife. If you have consentual sex and get preggo in 2010+, in America, it is your own fault. There are ways to prevent it both before, during and after sex, and the fact that she still ended up preggo puts it on the two having sex.

no matter what happens to cause a marraige to break down does not excuse infedelity. If he cheated on her and she was pissed, it still does not excuse it. If she's that mad, she should leave. If she forgives him.... do that.

My wife was a drug addicted, alcoholic who was bankrupting us.... she also cheated on me. yet through all that, I never once cheated back on her to get even, or however you are trying to justify this woman's infidelity.

 

not to mention the health safety issues that she was exposing her hubby to because she was having unprotected sex with strange men.

 

I have total respect for the husband to put the child's welfare first. She has an intact family with a mom and a dad--and it doesn't sound like the husband is treating her any different then the son. Hopefully when she grows up--she can appreciate that.

The husband did adopt her in my opinion. It isn't a lie. But she will have to be told the full facts when she's older.

 

I think it really depends on the couple and their ability to rise above adversity or even infidelity.

But then.. I think relationships are created anew every day.

 

I do too in the fact he did it.... but too many times, a spouse that cheats, and is accepted back, and in this case, with the scarlet A of a baby that hubby knows isn't his, they don't appreciate being accepted back and instead, see it as a "I can do anything I want and he'll still take me back"

I think this guy, while having very noble intentions, is about to come out the huge loser in this story.

nice guys finish last.

 

But it is his own choice how he deals with his relationship. People can have their opinions but nobody gets to say how he or she has to behave, only they can determine that for themselves and clearly they decided to work out their problems.

 

But lets say this wasn't happy with the situation and decided to leave.

Obviously his wife is the offending party. Will she be punished in any way if he wanted to divorce her?

No. Instead she gets the house, both children, and half his income for both children for 20 years.

Now you tell me how a divorce system that holds women totally blameless for any act commited against her husband and rewards them financially for commiting these acts?

I am sick and tired of men always getting the blame, always getting (*)(*)(*)(*)ed ov er in divorce court and men having no advocate in family courts.

While a woman can go out have another man's baby inside a marriage and get financially rewarded for it! There has to be some kind of legal recourse to punish women who engage in such behavior.

 

Well, there are countries that stone them to death or pour gasoline on them and burn them to death and you would be very happy living in those countries.


No, infidelity is not against the law...just ask any man....


I think you're living in the 19th 0r 18th century so maybe you haven't heard that NO one gets "blame" in divorces anymore, there is no reason for it. If two people don't want to be married anymore they have a right to just end it.

The courts place ONE thing above all else, above what men think ..and that's the welfare of the CHILDREN...if men act like children and cry about how unfair it is instead of thinking of what's best for the children then they deserve getting screwed. And what do YOU consider getting screwed, paying for your own children's care? Really...then you don't deserve them but the court will see that you do the right thing

 

What planet do you live on? That's not how divorce court works. It's not about blame, and if she gets the house, it's because she gave up something else in the division of assets. As far as custody, it's about what's best for the children. Some bass-ackward states may still presume the woman should get custody, but in most states that's not the case anymore. Most states start with a presumption of shared custody.

As far as child support, if custody is shared there is often no payments -- only if the disparity in income between the parents is large. If custody isn't shared, the noncustodial parent pays support to the custodial parent. Which only makes sense.

 

I do agree that women have their advocates. Its frustrating to be so easily "played" by the system. I went through years experiencing my husbands custody battles with his ex.

But my Step-son had a different experience. He has joint custody to the extreme with his young son. That child simply doesn't have a real home in my opinion--literally living in each parent's house EXACTLY 50%. I don't see the same women orient advocacy I saw several years ago. I do think things are changing for men---but its still bad for the kids. And always will be.

Marriage is a serious matter---and now days there isn't much intellectual thought on who you want to live the rest of your life with. The man probably had the signs before they married that she had faithfulness tendencies. Just like many women will marry their abusive boyfriends. Marriage is a big responsibility and breaking it up for any reason has dire consequences for the kids.

I'm tired really---of people fumigating about the rights of the adults--because as far as I'm concerned the adults are irresponsible fiends and the kids are the ones we should be concerned about. This man in the OP is a real man---who put his family and the welfare of this girl first. We need to have more real men---not whiny ones.

 

Evolutionarily, it makes no sense to spend your resources to take care of the offspring of another man.

- - - Updated - - -

"Protection" isn't 100%. I know several people who are the results of contraceptive failure.

 

5 is the law. He didn't have a say. Children born to a married couple are legally the husband's children.