Divorce Agreement

DIVORCE AGREEMENT

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what
is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:
--Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be

the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

--We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
--You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.--Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
--We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.
--You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

--We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.
--You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.
--We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.
--We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood

--You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
--You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

--We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
--You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

--We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.
--You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
--We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
--We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."
--I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

--We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

--Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & (Hanoi) Jane Fonda with you.

P.S.S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.

 

Beautiful! Divorce granted!

 

That just makes me assume that Repubs are greedy (taking the CEO's) and don't care about the environment (driving gas guzzlers)

Give it six months and I bet I know which group is more successful and able to thrive.

 

Who will keep the mexicans and the maids and the Iraqi contracts?
And what if my side ends up liberal, can I get compensation for my property to move over to the other side?

 

the alimony payments lefties would demand (their utopia would require) would be enormous.

 

So who gets the picture of Dorian Gray?

 

You guys have to take Michael Bay.

 

Re: OP. Nice OP. Now enforce it.

 

Doesn't sound greedy to me. We're the ones offering them the divorce. Besides, you're going to assume that anyway. You play for the other side. That's kind of why we're proposing the divorce.

If he promises never to do another Transformers movie, I'll be fine with that.

 

Lol...You gotta love all the idiots still trying to fight the Civil War.
Does he really think that the rest of us will just let you take over half the country because you're too selfish, hate-filled or immature to live in a society?
Here's a better solution.
Love it or leave it.
If you all want to play barbarian, go find some other place to live.
Maybe Putin will take you people in.
You all seem to get tingly talking about what a macho leader he is.

Or, better yet, we'll let you all move to Alaska where you can enjoy the methane escaping the melting permafrost from that non-existent climate change scam the commies have invented.
With any luck, some idiot redneck will try to light one of his farts to impress a girl and the whole state will explode like a meth lab run by an Alaskan deadbeat.
But that should be no problem for a such a bunch of stout religious types. Since you are all obviously "saved" already, you will all just go to heaven that much sooner to frolic with Jesus and spend eternity in bliss.
Sounds like a win-win scenario for all of us.

 

Dear republicans and democrats,

I want to be free to live my life. I don't want to fight against you ********s anymore; just let people live their lives from now on. I would have thought we could all be adults by now.

Thank you,

Mike

 

I'm certain that you are generally correct about that.

 

As long as people aren't stepping upon one another's rights/liberties... I agree.

 

I can already see a problem with your proposal: "we can keep our friends" but you retain the right to "hammer them"
Instead of you keeping your military, may I suggest WE keep military while you keep your "brave", gun totting patriots and militias instead, who stood by and watched as tens of millions of American families were losing their homes to the banks that got bailed out by that same exact government curtesy of Fox News Judeo Christians/Bush

 

I'd agree except the libs are the ones who want to cut all military spending and disband the military.

What we could do is split the military, libs can keep the tiny percentage of liberal members and conservatives can keep the conservative members.

 

I can not speak for liberals because I am not one, but we, the people want to cut military spending because we understand how Fox News Judeo Christian type scum use the slogans "support our troops" to lander money into their pockets by stealing from tax payers.

 

The bloodshed will no doubt begin soon.

 

Let's give it a go.

_

 

As soon as the welfare checks stop. Look at the Greeks.

_

 

Sometimes I think Lincoln should have let the south go. We'll keep the constitution, you can create a new, far more intolerant and totalitarian one.

 

I'm not suggesting anarchy, merely the ability for people to do as they wish so long as they're not harming others.

 

Problem is that with all the warhawks they'd likely try to take us over.

 

Every movie he makes is worse than the last one! Kind of like M. Night Shyamalan, only M. Night started at a higher point before taking the quality plunge.

I'll be sad about losing some fine actors. But since I presume my side gets both the east coast and the west coast film scenes, plus we're the only ones open to international cinema, I suppose it's worth it.

In the end, it all depends on which way Harrison Ford goes.

You guys can have Mel Gibson.

 

This is perhaps the smartest post I've ever read on this forum.

 

I'll take that one. The liberal military is smaller but they'll still be able to beat up the conservative military. We'll be all General Lee and you'll be all General Custer.