Oh, I do love your bigoted stereotyping. "The women I know who have resorted to hitting or throwing things are the ones who got tired of being a punching bag...." I'm sure that's true giving the lens you use to view the world. "....men do have the advantage when it comes to strength." Absolutely. It's this fantasy that all women are victims and all men are the vicious aggressors that keep women who murder out of prison. Unfortunately, in court, the only evidence of abuse needed to establish the bizarre "burning bed" defense is the murderer's statement. No physical evidence needed. No witnesses needed. No medical records needed. Nothing is needed but the murderer's statement. Me? I'm opposed to violence. I've been married twice. Both of my wives hit. I never hit them or my children. They hit me and the children. Women even have the fantastic defense of PMS. It's not my fault, my PMS did it. One of my wives said, "I'm a PMS victim." "The hell you are. Your daughters and I are the victims." She threw something in a PMS rage. Domestic violence, actual violence, should be illegal and punished with some sort of equity. It isn't now.
First of all I can see why you are extremely defensive. If your story is 100% correct I'm sorry you and your daughters had to go through that, and hopefully your daughters won't take on those negative traits. I also hope that you don't carry any baggage from those ex-wives into any current relationships(yes I know women are guilty of this as well) We all speak from experiences. I was sharing mine, and you were sharing yours. As you can see I did not paint all women as victims and all men as monsters. You brought in all this extra stuff aboutwomen getting away with murder, and pms. There are plenty of women in prison for murder or attempted murder, which includes the S/O as the victim.
You are right, in part. My view of the problems in domestic violence are based on my experiences as a police officer for thirty years. I did seen one woman go to prison for murder. All the others, murderers all, got probation. As I said, I dislike violence. And, I am quite familiar with the violence perpertrated by men and women.
You're right, the numbers aren't close because men by far make up the most numbers of victims of domestic violence.
I'm gonna need proof then that it's wrong. Hitting harder does not equal an extra case. Women hit more often, men hit harder.
I assume that most cases of DV aren't reported. So I guess we'll never really know. Not that it even matters
Oh you mean like those little girly slaps on the arm that we see on sitcoms when the husb says something bad about their cooking?
Hitting harder DOES factually mean more physical harm / damage is done to a person. I think you made this up. Statistics don't back you up on that.
Really it's an issue of rhetoric. Technically domestic violence could refer to any kind of violence, mental or physical, happening within the home. Obviously not all domestic violence is equal. A slap is not the same as a punch. Defense is not the same as offense. A large person using full physical force against a small person is not the same as a small person using minimal force against a large one. An insult is not the same as physical violence. What people are actually concerned about is domestic ABUSE. Abuse is when the behavior is common and when the abuser has power over the other person (physical, emotional, legal, financial) that makes it difficult for the abused to resist. Also it is intentional (though not always conscious). Abuse is worse than domestic violence in general. That's why anti-feminist groups like to equate the two, so they can claim it's all equal and mutual. That's not to say there aren't abused men or that abused men are not to be taken seriously. Quite the opposite. But too often, minor violence (slaps, insults, defense) is used as an excuse to forgive actual abusive behavior or impose guilt on the victim. In numbers, men are more often the abusers because in general they are the ones with power (financial and physical power)... I expect that we will see more abused men now than in the past, but not anywhere near the number of abused women, since the power structure is still predominantly patriarchal and men are still more often taught to "solve problems" with violence or that physical acts are necessary to be "real men." Still, I think a vague definition of domestic violence is unhelpful. It's equivalent to other violence and must be looked at on a case-by-case violence. Domestic abuse is another story.
I don't think it's that deep. Violence and abuse are the same thing IMHOP. Unless you are talking about verbal and mental abuse, which I do not consider DV.
The two words have completely different definitions (abuse doesn't need to be violent and violence does not need to be abusive). More importantly, the effects on the victim (and actually on the perpetrator as well) are far different.
