If so, what was it that pushed you over the edge? Was it lust, or an escape from a dead, miserable/abusive relationship? If someone cheated on you, what kind of excuse did they give you? From my perspective, my upbringing, cheating seems far too taboo. Mind you, I'm not judging, I just couldn't do it. Things would have to be over officially before I'd move on. Just trying to gain some insight...
I would never cheat. I think that's the ultimate worst decision, ever. Why not just end the relationship? I've never understood that. Especially if they are going to cheat more than once! It's so hurtful for everyone involved.
Some people stick it out because of "the kids." Or the house in the Hamptons. But the relationship is generally f'd-up after something like that.
Yep and yep. We let everything else become more important than our marriage. Common mistake. Both bull headed. Still close though. Wasn't a hate fest break up.
Humans are not hardwired for sustained monogamy, particularly males Ths is why pornography comprises about 40% of internet traffic. Males seek out variety and I suppose pornography is slightly less harmful than cheating with a live person. I have never been married, and I don't think cheating on a spouse or even a girl friend is a good idea. As already stated, this is going to make the significant other feel less valued. It's going to hurt them in other words. However it takes going against our natures to sustain monogamy, and this involves sheer will. Surprisingly women cheat on their significant others almost as often. I always think of females as desiring a stable mate, but it appears they are not all that different from men. They cheat for other reasons than simply sex however...they cheat because perhaps intimacy is lacking in their marriage. Men cheat..well because we're horn dogs basically who like variety. Not all men cheat, and not all women cheat...my Dad was faithful to my Mom for the duration, I have no doubt about that. Personally I have never cheated on a girl friend, frankly I dont' like drama and running around trying to cover up secrets. It seemed far easier to have one significant other at a time. I have never been cheated on either, to the best of my knowledge...I've been dumped of course, but usually it seems the reason is not because another guy replaced me; at least not right away. Anyway, I'm rambling as usual. I want to make it clear I do not condone cheating!
As (*)(*)(*)(*)ty as I can be, I haven't cheated on a girlfriend. I am too lazy/scatter minded to keep up with that. I have been cheated on a couple times though, both times were for another guy.
The vows (when we looked into each others) have held true for 26 years now. We've had our ups and down moments but the idea of cheating never factered in. If either one of us decided to go that route then we would know that the foundation of our commitment together was not strong... so what's the point of continuing?
I have never cheated on anyone. But I did get cheated on once. I never felt the need to. Apparently he did.
Follow up question; if you've ever left someone, and I'm talking about serious relationships, at what point did you know it was time to move on? How often had you thought that you never should've gotten involved in the first place? What were the circumstances? Were there kids involved, marriage, property, etc?
No, but I did have a ( short) marriage end. No cheating or kids involved...just wasn't right from the start. I think I just kind of "knew". We did try though...wasn't like we just walked away at the fist sign of not being happy. LTR are not easy for anyone and so much depends on the people involved.
I didn't end my marriage b/c of cheating but other reasons..... I don't condone cheating, but I can understand why it happens. If a woman or man isn't getting what they need from their spouse, like affection, respect, being made to feel they are of some worth.....give that cold and painful relationship enuf time and the spouse who's treated like a mongrel will find someone who will make that man/woman feel they are loved. Call it human nature - it will happen.
Amazing. In America, more than 90% of people marry by the time they are 50 and about 40 - 50% of these marriages end in divorce. I would have never guessed that 9 out of 10 marry by age 50. I am even a bigger oddball than I originally thought. Might as well pick up about 20 stray cats and call it a day.
I've been cheated on a couple of times by former girlfriends way in the past, but have never cheated myself.
Never cheated, ex wife did, three kids, College sweetheart. Worst part being she made me think the third kid was mine, and I delivered her at home. Havent even talked to any of them in years.
Ouch! That must have been painful.... hopefully you can get reunited w/your kids someday soon.....if that's what you'd like.
I was pregnant and in an abusive relationship. I left one morning when I realized I couldn't comb my hair because of the welts left when he pulled it the night before. I simply ran out the door, jumped in the car and took off. He was chasing the car when I looked in the rear view mirror. It took some brainwashing even prior to that....to get to the point of simply leaving. I'd gone to work with black eyes etc....and always came home from work.
Just not something I could do. The only woman I've ever said "I love you" to, in that way(so not to relatives, close friends, etc), is my wife. Oddly enough there was one point in my life where a girl said she'd sleep with me if I'd say it and I refused. As a virgin in high school no less. I'm frickin awesome. Haha no but seriously, I'm a swan. It'll be one mate for life for me and I wouldn't have it any other way. That works out for her, her first husband was not a monogamous type of person. In her home, while she was working 3rd shift to pay their bills.
You just need to pick up one stray female. The other 19 will take care of itself in pretty short order--2-3 years max. Yes I have technically cheated and yes I have been cheated on. Sometimes it ended the relationship and sometimes it was in that early "Are we or aren't we an official couple" phase which is a little less damaging.
Hmm, not sure if I should admit all this. I've cheated... many many times, ever since I started dating when I was 13. Looking back, it really brought me down a lot more than I realized at the time, especially in terms of self-esteem. Only two of them ever found out about it as far as I know (ex-wife and also my current girlfriend a few years ago, at the same time), and I actually think it's better for those that never found out. I've only known about one time I've been cheated on, and she probably had the lowest interest level in me of anybody I've ever dated for more than a month, but there could have been others. My ego hurt for a day, but looking back on it - I didn't care that much for long. I've never really trusted anybody - not that I consider trust important. My cheating usually happened shortly before I was going to end the relationship. I wanted the regular access to sex that the "relationship," had, and hadn't yet established a new relationship to replace that. Weekly booty calls with exes and fwb helped, but didn't seem like enough. As (*)(*)(*)(*)ed up as that is, that was really the bottom line. I've spent almost no time 100% single since I was 13. I also have never stopped having a strong desire for variety in sexual partners, even the few times I've considered my partner a 10. The one time I was married, I actually didn't cheat on her for the first 6 of our 8 years together and I left her, even after she found out just the tip of the iceberg of how much I had been cheating on her. Thinking about her makes me sad, because she was crushed and a really good person, not that anybody really deserves it, I just never really had a big enough spark with her. Thankfully we never had kids. I think, for people like me (i.e. borderline sex addicts who are primarily attracted to novelty) the best solution is to find somebody willing to do an open relationship of some kind. It's just kind of hard to add that to all the other things that are desired in a partner. I'm not open with my current girlfriend, but we've discussed perhaps being so in the future. We're about to have a kid, so the timing isn't right. Both of us are divorced and not sure if we'll ever marry again, though that doesn't mean we're not committed to each other. Thinking about all the lies and living like a (*)(*)(*)(*)ing spy covering my tracks while I was cheating just makes me feel tired and sick, even though it was exciting and fun sometimes. So even if my girlfriend and I never become open, I hope to just stay with her and not stray again. We plan on having a threesome at some point, but they're kind of hard to set up (depends on who you know, we actually don't know anybody I would describe as a "free spirit") and we're both not motivated enough to put much towards it. All that said, even if you're a completely selfish person like I have sometimes been, honesty with who you're intimate with is really important for feeling good about yourself and having a less stressful life. If you must have variety, be honest and find somebody who can live with that.
I cheated once. It was a long distance relationship that was winding down. I (fortunately or not, depending on your point of view) have a very significant conscience, so i felt very guilty afterwards and had to admit it. We worked it out but basically limped along relationship wise for another month and a half before ending it.
