How Do You Discourage People From Having Premarital (& extramarital) Sex

What is the best way to discourage people from having sexual relations before marriage (and of course with someone they are not married to while they are married) if you believe as I do that sexual morality and avoidance of sex outside of marriage in all forms is a vital social good?

See the book "Civilizing Sex" for more on this subject.

 

Its not your job to take care of other people and shame on you for suggesting that it is.

 

Make them take care of kids for a week and or show them pictures of STD's.

 

Sex education was pretty effective for me.

I've had plenty of premarital sex by now, but back in middle school, some of the stuff they showed us made me paranoid of sex for a few years.

DARE was much the same way. The easiest way to discourage people from using hard drugs is to show them what happens to addicts.

Once people become adults, however, things change. Waiting until marriage for sex as an adult is retarded, since you'll want to know if you're sexually compatible with someone BEFORE you get married.

There's nothing wrong with premarital sex as long as you emphasize monogamy. When two people can agree to be sexually exclusive, then the chances of getting a disease are basically zero (assuming both people are clean to begin with).

As for pregnancy concerns, all it takes is using birth control to avoid that problem.

 

Do you always have to be so sensible? I find it annoying. (English vernacular, of course )

 

Cayenne pepper!

 

Sexual compatibility is a myth.

For some people it might well take years before they have a satisfactory sexual relationship.

The idea you can know how your sex life over the long run will be by having sex with someone for a year or two is ridiculous.

Besides, premarital sex inevitably undermines marriage by robbing the marriage relationship of any kind of physical exclusiveness.

 

Don't knock it until you try it!

 

I'm sure there are some who develop compatibility over time, but for a lot of people (myself included), I can tell pretty quickly whether I'm compatible with a woman or not.

I'll spare you the details, but I think you can figure out the anatomical and emotional factors involved.

I can also agree that you can become incompatible over time due to things like medical conditions or just a change of heart, but that's probably a better argument against getting married than it is an argument in favor of waiting until marriage.

Your last sentence doesn't make a whole lot of sense though. How does premarital sex "rob a marriage of physical exclusiveness"?

If you get married to the same woman you've been having sex with for a few years exclusively, then what's the big deal? The sex isn't going to change specifically because of marriage.

 

Because a marriage is stressful.

It is never just a "continuation" of the way things have been for a while even for couples who have lived together for an extended period. Talk to lots of people who lived together for a considerable period before getting married and they will tell you that actual marriage produced a whole host of new stresses.

Given that a marriage is stressful, it needs something that is also brand new and physically binding and pleasurable for the couple to help ease them through the early stresses of marriage.

If a couple has been having sex for a year or so before getting married, the sexual relationship no longer has the power to "smooth things" over for the first couple of years of marriage.

 

You don't. You mind your own (*)(*)(*)(*)ing business.

 

If I have to live in a world where values offensive to me are practiced and accepted then it has become my business.

 

And this is what is wrong with the world.

 

Well, again, that sounds like a better reason to not get married at all.

If you're happy staying committed but not yet locked into a marriage, then why fix something that isn't broken?

I've never had the desire to get married myself, and I've been lucky enough to find a woman that has the same mindset while still wanting to be committed. It's admittedly not an easy thing to find in a partner, but it's quite rewarding without any undue stress.

Neither of us wants kids either, so that makes things even easier.

 

It is my business when your sketchy son with the clap has sex with my daughter.

 

It's none of your business. . .it's none of my business.

Get a life, worry about yourself and YOUR relationships.

Where did you get your idea of "social morality?" In the Bible?

Was it "moral" for Jacob to have three wives, and three mistresses?

 

Abstinence until marriage is ultimately a personal decision, however, it is something that should come from the parents, not the school system or government. Parents need to get over their "discomfort" and explain to their kids the consequences, or benefits, of such "adult" decisions.

I'm afraid I do not buy into how pre-marital sex has any effect on a marriages survival rate. If anything I'd actually think the lack of prior sexual experience would be "harder" on a marriages survival; the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, so to speak.

Ultimately I think everyone could agree that marriages 'should' be based on more important things; core beliefs, common goals, love etc. Especially when physical attraction and sexual compatibility is actually a side effect of those core compatibilities, not the reverse.

Honestly, if ones marriage stays together only because of sexual compatibility, then ones marriage is not "real" in the more emotional sense and I'd hazard to say practically guaranteed to fail; or at least far, far more likely to cause eventual emotional pain with extra-marital affairs to "satisfy" those things that one's marriage lacks.


Monogamy is entirely up to the couple and frankly what one does in their bedroom is absolutely no business of anyone else. Open marriages can, and do, work for some couples. I'd actually almost argue that an open marriage is 'technically' stronger than a non-open marriage, simply because in order for an open marriage to work it must have a stronger foundation, built on far more than the "easy" desire for physical pleasure.

 

Why discourage it... just don't fund it.

 

I find it extremely offensive when people stick their noses into other peoples business. Especially when it has no, none, zero, effect on their lives.

How does one handle that?

 

That sounds like more of a problem you have with your daughter, not his son.

 

You should teach your daughter to get to know the people she has sex with first... slut.

 

What about couples who don't want to marry? Theres plenty of couples who stay together for life and never get married. should they not have sex?

Or what about individuals who don't want to marry? They should live there whole lives without having sex?

I believe sexual repression can be dangerous, even if its done by choice.

There nothing wrong with enjoying sex if your being safe, whether your married, in a relationship, or single. It's natural.

 

No they don't, because you don't have to participate.

 

Elect inspirational leadership rather then BJ Clinton and Obama types

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