When trump's cabinet arrived for the State of the Union, it scared the hell out of everyone. They had never seen a piece of furniture walking before. And then came the house!
If you ever feel sad, just remember one thing, that somewhere in the world a fat kid just dropped his ice cream.
The wonderful love of a beautiful maid, The love of a staunch true man, The love of a baby unafraid, Have existed since life began. But the greatest love, the love of loves, Even greater than that of a mother, Is the tender, passionate, infinite love, Of one drunken bum for another.
Give a Nigerian a fish he'll eat for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he'll become a prince and start e-mailing people.
I was fuming, my wife said I was immature. Well, I think that's what she said because I was in my cardboard fort at the time.
I've just got one thing to say to the immature guy who stole my shoes whilst I was on the bouncy castle, "GROW UP".
An actual radio news report: There was a fatal collision on the I-5 freeway yesterday. Three people were killed, two seriously.
With over 2/3 of the planet being covered with water and not land, it should be called Sea, not Earth. - A.C. Clarke.