Random Nuggets.

Thanks Hun. I really appreciate that.

Going hour by hour really.

 

With the move, of course comes the career change.

Paper Industry, here I come... Back...come Monday.

Finish my paperwork In the AM

 

Been a bit.

Decided against the position I'd caught last week.

Dad's progressed too far for me to be away from mom & him for too long.


He's still stacking more bad than good times/days, but he's comfortable, & in relatively low pain.

Gonna read through a bit, then, TTY'all L8r.

 

Anxious about my sisters, & brother coming in from California today.

Very much troubled waters under the bridge...

Would REALLY hate to end up in the can, for going off on my brother, with my pops so bad off.


Out of bud too... Eating Vicodin like candy the past couple days.

 

I had thought I was a man, for quite some time.

Then I started helping care for my dying Father.

At 47, I now find myself feeling like a pre-teen.

 

Be aware that near the end, people can get very mean and bitter. My father did and it was very hurtful. And I've talked with a couple of other people who have gone through the same. You know intellectually what is happening but it can be tough.

I pushed for them to move where they could get proper medical care and attention. They lived 100 miles from anyone in a small town, with catastrophic health issues. So there was really no choice. But my father never forgave me for that. He blamed me for ruining his life. That was one of the last things he said to me.

 

He's had several of what I call, "nasty times".

He's having his "Life-Dreams" hard core now.

As he sleeps, restless with spasms, you can read the expressions on his face, as he - Seemingly instantaneously, he'll flicker through, confusion, compassion, anger, shock, terrifying fear, deep soul splitting sadness, & indescribable joy.

Watching my father die, is an experience I never wished to have, yet, wouldn't pass on sharing, if my life depended on it.

 

Jesus!

2 days after the "Festivities" of my remaining Sibs' visit, & Dad's still mightily ****ed up from the activity/chaos that touched him the past week.

Gotta have low volume / positive vibe visits of no more than 2(+up to 1 infant) at a time, less than :20 at a crack.

It's INSANE what my mother insisted happen resulted in for 2 days.

 

Two recurring thoughts about the shooter in Vegas:

1) There is something wrong with his brother. He could just be strange but his reaction and manner were not consistent with the events. I am very suspicious that he knows more than he's saying.

2) The shooter lived in Mesquite Nevada. When I was a kid, we broke down just outside of Mesquite Nevada about midnight, on a Saturday night, while traveling to the Midwest. Mesquite was barely more than a wide spot in the road back then. We finally managed to get the car repaired but it was quite the ordeal; especially for my parents, who had a car full of kids. The place was overrun with grasshoppers - like something right out of Revelations. Huge swarms could be seen moving through the fields. And you could hear them all around. I remember having to drive over a road covered with grasshoppers. We must have killed thousands of them just by driving.

 

Dad's nearly out.

Had to come back home.

Going up this W/E for my B-Day.

Likely the last I'll see him.

Been a really rough road.

 

Dad's still hanging in there.

My Sister's husband checked out unexpectantly Saturday night in his sleep though.

This year has sucked balls, Start, to Finish... So far.

 

G'night folks.

Good to be more active again.

Ciao for Now.

 

It's been a road, dealing with my Father's impending death.

I have thought several times over the past month+ that he was outtie.

He would likely have been, had my mother not heard him choking on vomit when he threw up in his cpap mask about exactly a month ago.

He's not awake but like a couple hours a day now I guess, & not eating really at all.

Certainly doesn't look like he'll make Thanksgiving.

My daughter-in-law will be handling my father as his funeral director.

Personally, IDK how she'll do it. My son certainly married a strong woman.



Anyway.....