Recently came out as a trans woman - AMA

Or bi or pan. Now if you meant only attracted to other biological males, then your statement would be closer to accurate, but still inaccurate.

 

Actually no, because what you are talking about is labels, and those are social constructs, not science. The labels are not being used the same way anymore. Words and definitions changes and evolve.

 

No that is the definition of heteroromantic attraction. Heterosexuality is about sexual attraction and can occur without love being present.

 

Awww....isn't that cute. You believe in settled science. How settled was that science that said the sun moved around the earth? Or even the more recent settled science that claimed that everyone was heterosexual and homosexual acts were a choice and not an innate attraction? Wasn't it also settled science that said it was impossible to break the sound barrier?

 

I hope you love yourself. Sincerely. If you dont love and accept yourself as a man, you are going to hate the man that stares back at you from the mirror, mocking you for the rest of your life.

 

So a person with XY chromosomes and CAIS is a woman since they posses female genitals, correct?

 

Dave, I want to tell you my journey as an older gay man struggling with trans issues because I wonder if its a common problem.. I won't use the word 'transphobic' because while I have had trouble understanding, identifying and empathizing with the trans community, there was no animus, no firm resistance etc. It was soo foreign to me. I figured out that I tended to immediately identify with the struggles of family of loved ones, instead of someone who was gender dysphoric. I put myself in the shoes of a parent grieving over the loss of his 'baby girl' or his 'beloved son' to something totally outside of his experience or control. I asked myself what it would be like, to have to reallign my entire experience with my child or brother, who now has a new name, new identity, etc. I was too busy wearing those other shoes, to look at life through your eyes.

My solution was You tube. I watched those youtube channels of young people describing what life was like as a trans kid, transitioning and adapting to whatever came their way, and that developed my empathy and understanding. It's hard to be a good ally, if you don't take the needed steps to understand who you are allying yourself with. To this day, whenever I find myself wavering or forgetting what I learned , I go back to Youtube.

This is an excellent thread, and I commend it. You have no duty to educate the rest of us but its a good thing if you find people willing to learn. . Expect more questions from me from time to time, I am still not where I ought to be.

 

Being willing to support is more important than being able to understand. Just think about what others must have gone through with you, or would have if you had come out back then (not knowing which is your history). They could well have felt that they lost you, since you were not "normal". I find myself really lucky. My parents actually accepted my being poly, even to the point where my mom directly called one wife my "other wife". But I also lived with some fear that they would feel a sense of failure if it came out that our housemates were actually our spouses. So it was wonderful when mom made it clear they knew and accepted. But you having the willingness to learn and view things from their point of view is one of the best ways of support. So keep it up and don't worry if you still don't get this or that. The sincere effort is more important than success.

 

Indeed it is. Decades ago, I was the online 'educator' on homosexuality in the earlier days of 'political forums' when nobody in rural conservative areas knew much of anything about the topic. I took it upon myself to let some conservatives ask me questions about what it meant to be gay, and fulfill this same role. I learned a lot about how to get the right dynamic condusive to those little break-throughs, out of a politcal forum culture. It can easily feel hopeless but if you can get a one- on- one dialogue, without the sanctimonious judgements or partisan sniping from the peanut gallery , there are gains to be made.

But there have to be two people both willing to put aside their egos, their political alter-egos, and just talk. You can't do much with the Jets and the Sharks collected around you two. . Soo the PM system can be Dave's best friend here .

 

Get back to me when someone with a penis and testicles give birth

 

Just the fact that it’s scientifically impossible to change your sex. So it will never be remotely close to a heterosexual relationship.

 

I am very sorry to hear you're struggling with your identity. Do you have any other symptoms other than not being happy with your body/sex/gender?

Are you going to do surgery and or hormones?

If so, are you aware of the risks and perminency of these?

Have you ever talked to or watched videos of any destransitioners?

Are you aware of the growing body of scientific data that shows "medical transition" is really quite experimental and doesn't address root causes? It also doesn't address the frequent accompanying mental health symptoms.

If you're not aware of these things, I can gladly share information with you. After learning what I've learned, I would strongly urge you to seek mental health help and or find a group, like a church or something, where you can get support. If you seek help from a mental health practitioner, make sure you make it clear that you're not opposed to really digging in and questioning the validity of gender identity theory. If you don't do that, the practitioner won't be able to help you because they are currently trained to affirm affirm affirm and never question. This is very dangerous, but they don't want to loose their jobs. The scientific community has gone woke and is unethical on this issue, so they won't dare to dig into anything without you putting it out there.

The bottom line is I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling with your identity and I hope you get true help for it. I really want to burger you to put off any permanent changes like hormones and surgery until you've truly done some work on mental health and learning to accept yourself for the wonderful person I'm sure you are.

 

The only problem is that "pausing" puberty, as you say, has long term consequences. The brain and body is meant to develop with a fine balance of hormones in a specific order and timing.

 

I saw a video of a gay man falling in love with a "trans man" and then the "trans man" "detransitioned". So now they're a straight couple. However, they both admit they sometimes have attraction to the same sex. The "de-transitioned" woman no longer has breasts and has a permanently deep voice. She regrets what she did, but stated she wanted to use it as a way to help other people learm to be happy with their body and identify. Luckily, the hormones didn't make her infertile (as they can) and they are having a baby together.

 

Nobody said it was possible to change your biological sex. Why does it even matter what kind of relationships people have?
It’s all just labels anyways. Life is short and if two adult females or two adult males enjoy having a sexual relationship — why the heck not. It’s nobody’s business but their own.

If somebody chooses to live their life as the gender that is opposite to their biological sex — why not — it’s their life, their choice and nobody else's. Transgenders know full well they can’t change the biological sex they were born with but they can change the outer appearance to match their gender. Good for them for being brave enough to live in a world full of intolerant people who feel they have to dictate what is appropriate and what is not.

 

Interesting. Let’s say hypothetically, a cis man was in a relationship with Buck Angel, who is a trans man. Would that be a heterosexual relationship? Would you say the cis man was attracted to women?

 

Since we are talking about sexual attraction at this time that's a red herring.

 

The question then moves to what does the label refer to. Sexual orientation refers to what attracts you such that you desire to have sex with them, regardless of whether you attempt to act on that attraction or not. Orientation is not about what sex you are or the other is. The labels used to use that criteria for which one gets selected to be applied, but that is changing. People are using the labels now with gender as the basis for selection. Based on sex, heterosexual is a person who is attracted their opposite sex, regardless of the other's gender. With the gender based labels, a heterosexual is someone attracted to their opposite gender, regardless of the other's sex. If Dave and his husband are using the gender based labels, then indeed they have shifted to a heterosexual relationship. You it seems base the labels on the sex, and as such they are in a homosexual relationship.

 

Thank you for all your wonderful questions!

I am very sorry to hear you're struggling with your identity. Do you have any other symptoms other than not being happy with your body/sex/gender?

I very much appreciate your concern, but I would say for the first time in my life, I’m not struggling with it. Feeling you have to be a way that is counter to your self perception is a huge struggle. I’ve finally understood that I don’t have to. Those are already pretty substantial symptoms. I think a notable symptom for me has been escapism into roleplaying scenarios using AI Chatbots that allow me to interact as a woman. I see it as a bit of self-medication for my diaspora that I’d be leaning on for a while. Something that’s quite nice, is I don’t feel compelled to escape like that since I’ve come out.

Are you going to do surgery and or hormones?

I will definitely be taking HRT as soon as it can be prescribed. As the VA does not practice informed consent, I have to go through a psychiatrist for an official diagnosis. Not my favorite thing in the world, mostly due to it slowing down the process, but it will open up a host of services through the VA without cost to me. I don’t plan on seeking any surgeries just yet. I’ll probably see how I feel after a couple years on HRT.

If so, are you aware of the risks and perminency of these?

Yes, there are some risks, just like taking any other medication or any other surgical procedures. I’ve done a good amount of research and find all potential risks acceptable. As for permanency, man, I hope so!

Are you aware of the growing body of scientific data that shows "medical transition" is really quite experimental and doesn't address root causes? It also doesn't address the frequent accompanying mental health symptoms.

I’m aware of competing bodies of evidence. I believe those that point to transition as the most effective means of treating gender dysphoria are more substantial than the opposite.

Mental health, offer for data, etc.

The past couple months since I came out have been some of the happiest and most hopeful weeks of my life. I recently got my ears pierced and my first manicure. I cried with overwhelming joy after each. I think these experiences have told me far more about myself than a their past can help me discover. I have no problem with therapy, but do not feel it would be helpful for me on this subject.
Feel free to provide any relevant materials you believe would be helpful.

The bottom line is I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling with your identity and I hope you get true help for it. I really want to burger you to put off any permanent changes like hormones and surgery until you've truly done some work on mental health and learning to accept yourself for the wonderful person I'm sure you are.

You clearly have strong opinions on the topic that have been informed by your experiences and understanding. I take your concern as genuine and I appreciate it. I feel that I understand myself and what I need very well. I’ve no intention of putting HRT any longer than it takes to get it.

 

I agree that a fine balance of hormones is critical to a person’s brain and body development. The problem is when a trans youth goes through a puberty incongruent with their gender identity. It can be a cause for sever gender dysphoria and the formation of secondary sexual characteristics that may have to be changed later in life at a great financial burden to the individual.
There doesn’t seem to be a ton of evidence that a young person who desists and goes through the natural puberty of their sex at a later time experiences many lasting consequences. The worst one I can think of is reduced bone density. Not a bad trade off considering the potential consequences of the alternative.

 

I honestly think that the diagnosis by a professional is key. There are other conditions, as I understand it, which can cause gender dysphoria. So it's important to get them ruled out, even if most of the time it will be caused by being transgenser. While some of the "detransitioners" out there are fake, there are enough actual one to warrent making sure of the diagnosis. Think of it as the adult version of puberty blockers.

 

Detransition rates are quite low and satisfaction rates with gender affirming care are quite high. Higher in fact than many surgeries that no one blinks an eye at.
I’ve looked at surveys of detransitioners and the most commonly cited factors are external ones such as financial costs and social pressures. It seems that if the goal is to reduce detransition rates a shift on societal attitudes and reduction of financial barriers would be most effective. Thankfully for me, I have a very supportive social group and access to care through the VA. My risks of detransition for external factors is quite low.
For the story you presented, that sounds quite difficult for her. I’m glad she is finding happiness with her partner and the incoming baby.

 

Well written! Thank you for that contribution.

 

You came out about 6 months ago, and you were accepted as such. I have considered you a tans woman ever since then.

 

Nope, I would say that was a homosexual relationship