Recently came out as a trans woman - AMA

If sexual preference was based on gender then most homosexuals would be transgenders. I would say that most homosexual relationships have the manly man and the sissy man combo or the butch girl and the girly girl combo, Not all but most anyway.


So if the roll of sissy, manly, butch, or girly was more of a factor than what’s between their legs, then based on the transgender theology of gender is more of a supporting roll than actual sex. Meaning most homosexuals would be transgenders anyway.

 

Could you elaborate? Might help @MuchAdo understand your position better.

 

In my answer I mentioned that primary sexual characteristics play a role in sexual preference. I think your conclusion is missing that element.

To clarify, in case it helps, when I say primary sexual characteristics I’m talking about penis and testicles for males and vagina and womb for females.

 

No problem. I actually am very concerned for you and others like you. I'm glad you're not taking offense to my questions as others have in the past.

I also forgot to ask whether you've had any trauma in your life (traumatic incidents or ever been abused? Also, have you struggle with social anxiety or social awkwardness at all?

What I don't understand is why you can't just be you in your current body? Why does it matter if you feel or behave more feminine, but have a male body? Also, what does it even feel like to feel more feminine? I for one have a hard time describing what it feels like to be my sex, because I've never known any other way to be.

Right now you may hope so, but never being able to have kids or never being able to have that experience may be very difficult for you further down the road. From what I've read these identity problems often disappeared with time and age. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

If you read the studies though, you will find concerning aspects of most of the studies that claim to be for it, such as inconsistencies, stated hesitancies, poor research methods, mistatements/misrepresentations and the fact that they all follow an illogical theory of "gender jdentity" that doesn't hold up to scruitiny. I think most people underestimate the social and political aspect of this issue. Most people underestimate the power of the activists pushing SRS and HRT. Most people also underestimate the liberal leaning our academic institutions have which causes more liberal leaning academic articles to be published with less scrutiny than the more conservative leaning articles. It should concern us all as well that other countries are not backtracking on these treatments for youth, during the experimental nature of the treatments. If you think about it, if there is something in your brain telling you you aren't in the right body or that you are supposed to be the opposite sex or that makes you feel unhappy with your sex, don't you think it would make more sense to fix the thoughts in your brain than to alter your body?

In some ways I'm glad that you've had happy experiences in the last couple of months, but I'm also sad as well because I can see you're seeing that as evidence that the route you are taking is the correct one. From what I've heard many people feel this way at first, but eventually, the honeymoon wears off. Many then decide the solution must be SRS. They do that and many feel great for a while, but eventually that honeymoon wears off too. Then, you're stuck with a mutilated body that is less functional and has permanent changes.

Here is a therapy resource:

https://www.therapyfirst.org/therapists/

Here's a resource with links to various studies and articles. I'm not sure how good these links are (although at first glance they look promising), I just know from the research I've done, the "gender affirming care" field appears quite experimental and only appears to bandaid issues, often temporarily.

https://4thwavenow.com/resource-index/

I'm glad. I just know that so many practitioners are scared to say anything or ask any questions because they are worried they will be fired or loose credibility in their field due to the highly political nature of this topic. So, I see the opportunity to ask questions and try to help.

It's ultimately your choice of course and I hear you feeling like this is the right choice. Obviously I'm still concerned though. How long have you struggled with this and at what age did it start?

 

This is the "gender identity theory" version of the cause for this dysphoria. The underlying cause actually appears to be more about problems in the brain. So the treatment should be focused there, not on the body.

From what I've read, using puberty blockers until age 18 (the age where many can start making choices for themselves) is quite experimental. Since it's so new, most of these individuals that used puberty blockers until age 18 haven't been able to be assessed for long term health consequences. Areas of potential concern include bone density, neurodevelopment and emotional impact, height and growth concerns, possible long term sexual development and social concerns.

 

If you look at the way a lot of those surveys are done though, you will start to notice flaws in the methodology. Also, these individuals surveyed have very high rates of mental health disorders, especially personality disorders (one study found around 50%). People with personality disorders, especially, don't do to well with self awareness and reality testing. Therefore, what is more likely is that for those that report positively, they are doing so because their worldview and feelings have been temporarily placated. Ultimately, from what I've read, anyone who isn't happy with their sex should seek mental health help as a first line of treatment because it has less harmful and permanent long term consequences. One thing to keep in mind is that as humans we are constantly changing and learning new things, so permanent life altering decisions don't really make sense in that light.

There is also quite a bit of shame and lack of support for destransitioners, so it makes sense that they would blame external reasons. Additionally, humans have ego protecting mechanisms that protect us from seeing or experiencing things that bring to light the error of our own choices. This often leads to denial and blaming things external to us for our own choices, mistakes or feelings. This is also why we often will look positively on our choices even if they resulted in poor consequences, leading to many saying they are better off or more happy where they are, simply to protect their ego.

 

Thank you for your response and follow up questions. I’ll try headers in italics referencing each paragraph for my responses so this doesn’t become to unwieldy to read.

Trauma:
I grew up in a religious and social conservative household. The closest thing I might have to childhood trauma would be a deep fear of rejection by my family, which has recently come to fruition. No social anxieties of awkwardness that I can think of.

Current body:
What does it feel like to feel more feminine, great question! I’d say, for me, it’s a strong self-identification with how women exist and interact with society. I’ve never been overly comfortable with masculine expectations placed upon me, but have acted them out because, well, it’s expected of me. As for just being more feminine in my current body, I just desperately want the secondary sexual characteristics typical of women, and maybe eventually some of the primary ones too. We’ll see.

Permanence, Children, and Age:
I acknowledge that there is some potential that I could regret this decision. But I also know I have spent a very long time regretting not making it sooner. I don’t want to be fifty or sixty + still holding those regrets. I don’t plan on having children and never have. It’s not something that would bring me happiness. I’m 36 years old.

Studies:
I’m aware of conflicting narratives on both sides and have been studying them for years. I find the information supporting the efficacy of transition to be more convincing. I hope you’ll trust me when I say this is something that has been on my mind for a long time. This isn’t a spur of the moment decision.

Diminishing returns:
I feel this just goes back to regret rates. All procedures, medications, and even therapies have them. I wouldn’t expect gender transition to be different. When you go in for knee surgery, you hope it’ll make your life better, and it probably will. But sometimes it doesn’t.

Affirming medical care:
Affirming care has been demonstrated to be the most effective approach to addressing gender dysphoria, based on my reading. I get that you will likely disagree.

Age:
I’d be guessing at an exact age, but I recall enjoying traditionally feminine activities and things from an early age. I didn’t feel free to express them, of course given my family’s leanings. My dreams though, through much of my life, have consistently included me experiencing a feminine body.

I want to say again that I appreciate your concern for my wellbeing and your thoughtful questions.

 

The physical characteristics of a person’s body and how they perceive it are massive. Most childhood desistance occurs well before someone hits 18, meaning in most cases of desistance puberty is delayed by a couple years. Late puberty is something that many kids already experience. Based on what I have read, I find the potential risks acceptable considering the harm that puberty blockers prevent.

You have to do a thing before you can assess it. On a related note, how do you feel about “Right to try?”

 

This response seems largely focused around invalidating people’s self reporting and experiences. I find self reporting and ID as the most effective approach to gender affirming care. My apologies, but I can’t substantially respond to an approach that is centered around invalidating experiences, aside from simply disagreeing.

 

I'm sorry to hear that. Did you behave like a boy or girl do you think as a child? How did you family respond? I'm sorry they've rejected you now. They won't talk to you? Or shame you?

Are you uncomfortable with the idea of behaving in a feminine way in a masculine body?

I'm sorry you've been unhappy for so long

Yes, it sounds like you've been thinking about and learning about this for a long while

I agree with care that is accepting of who the person is and showing care and love through empathy and caring/nurturing. I don't agree that providers should blindly avoid difficult conversations, dig into psychotherapeutic conversation or challenging clients. I'm on the fence as to whether or not pronouns should be used, because that just continues a lie. I would love to have more conversations with biological sex unhappy individuals to see if they felt severely disrespected by people using their biological sex pronouns. My question would be whether it does more harm or good to go along with them.

I'm sorry to hear that you didn't feel comfortable as a child being who you are and I worry that those messages about only boys can act like boys and only girls can act like girls may have ingrained an erroneous belief in you that you can't truly behave like you want to without changing your body. It's sad to hear about children not being accepted and loved.

You're welcome. I hope you find peace and acceptance. I imagine it's hard to do that when you feel like your family isn't accepting you, but my hunch is that if you can learn to accept yourself, that might be a good start.

 

I can understand how you'd feel that way and I apologize if I've offended you. My intent wasn't to invalidate.

 

How late does late puberty often go to though?

That's why scientists are only allowed to do experimental treatments in the context of experiments, starting with animals and gradually moving toward small controlled research studies and so on. This usual process hasn't been followed.

What is "right to try"?

 

Thank you for your follow up questions!

Family and childhood:
I’d like to start by thanking you for your kind words here. I recall being corrected at an early age for my toy and activity preferences. I’d say I quickly got the message and acted accordingly. There’s physical distance between us. They’ve stopped calling or accepting my calls.

Acting femme in a masc body:
I’d say it’s a mix between discomfort and desire for my body to better align with traditional expectations of femininity.

I'm sorry you've been unhappy for so long:

Thank you for your kind words!

Thoughts on care practices:

I think we’re both clear on our disagreements on that topic. I get where you’re coming from and hope you understand my approach.

Childhood acceptance:

There’s potential that strict gender expectations contribute to gender dysphoria. That sounds at least reasonable to me. I don’t know that it’s something that can be separated from a person’s identity. We are the result of all our life experiences.

I appreciate it and I feel I have accepted myself, though I’m sure that’s in a different way than you’d recommend.

 

Oh, don’t worry, you’ve not offended me. I have no problem with a person who genuinely seems to care, but feels a different approach is better. I don’t get any malicious intent from your posts and can understand how you’ve come to the conclusions you’ve presented. I just can’t offer anything more substantial than disagreement.

 

Based on what I have found, age 14 for girls and age 16 for boys. That is the point when you may want to start speaking with a physician.

I’d have to look into it, but I would be relatively surprised if we’ve not done animal research involving the endocrine system before now. I would have to get back to you on that.

“Right to try” is a medical practice championed by the Trump admin giving terminal patients access to experimental treatments and procedures.

 

But how often is puberty naturally delayed (without blockers) until age 18 and what studies have been done in how that affects those individuals' health?

Also, how many controlled studies (not surveys) have been done on adults and children with regard to these treatments?

I've not heard of it. What kinds of treatments? Treatments for dying people?

 

Age of medical consent varies by state, but teens as young as fifteen can give their consent for treatment. As long as parents don’t block it, HRT can be prescribed and administered.

Are we talking about happiness or health?

Yes treatments for terminal patients. I get that it’s not a 1:1 comparison, but there’s good arguments for access experimental procedures.

and just as a note, I don’t generally support SRS for anyone under 18 outside of extreme circumstances.

 

Was that out of a desire to please do you think? Or a fear of consequence? Or some mixture of both? Or something else?

I'm sorry to hear that.

That makes sense. Is this so that others will see you as the opposite sex? Or more that you will see yourself this way? Or a mixture of both? Or neither?

Just curious about your thoughts on this... How many people do you think would be offended if people or providers used sex based and not "gender" based pronouns? Would you be offended if providers or people used only sex based pronouns?

I think there will always be a perceived societal pressure on "gender" expectations, simply because generally men and women are quite different (of course there are exceptions). So I think people who don't fall into the typical behavioral patterns as their sex, will feel different. That's where I think the work needs to be done at an individual level to accept one's differences as well.

Can you tell me more about that? In what way? What have you accepted about yourself?

 

I was referring to physical health. But studies show that suicide rates don't decrease after SRS, so it's hard to make a case for increased mental health after these types of treatments.

Yeah I agree that terminal patients aren't the same thing

I don't support it at all. I'm not in support of it for adults either. I think the brain is the issue, not the body. I think it puts practitioners in an unethical spot to expect them to carry out these procedures.

 

Part of it would depend on what you want to consider as a transgender condition and what isn't. Medically speaking, intersex conditions and transgender are not the same, but there are intersex conditions that could arise as seeming transgender. a person with CAIS for example, might be feeling more male because they do have the XY combination (although unknowingly until diagnosed), even though they were born with female genitalia. As such, without a diagnosis of CAIS, the "girl" (quoted based on chromosomal sex) who claims to be a boy might be seen as transgender. But are they really, since the chromosomes are that of a boy? And in such a case HRT is not going to be as effective due to their inability to process certain hormones. We can also look at the possibility of a person being a chimera of a male/female twin pair. If the genitals are formed by the female DNA, but the brain is developed from the male DNA, are they transgender or something else, and will HRT actually work on them?

Well not all. I suppose we should look at the actual regret rates. Do we really need such a session before having wisdom teeth removed? And woman already have a hard enough time getting hysterectomies even when not doing so poses a significant risk to their lives. But that is one that outside of medical reasons probably should have a "regret check", so to speak.

 

Thank you for your thoughtful questions!

I would say it was likely the dreaded parental disappointment mixed with shame. I don’t think I was ever at risk of being beaten, but my parents were always vocal about things they thought degenerate in society, so I always knew what not to be around them.

A mixture of both. No on sees my body more than I do. A more feminized body would be a nice thing to have and look at, even if no one else were able to perceive it. That said, there’s always the hope of “passing,” which is to be perceived as a cisgendered member of your identified gender. Not with the hopes of tricking anyone for romantic or sexual purposes, but sort as a “I’ve made it, I’m valid” sort of thing. I don’t think I need to be able to pass to feel valid or good about myself, but I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t be nice.

I think that could cause some offense and wouldn’t be helpful as there is already some pretty well understood language in the medical community. AFAB and AMAB for instance. You also don’t generally see confusion around what trans man or trans woman is referring to. On top of that, trans people are generally open about their conditions and biological reality. No trans person wants to die because they were too good at passing.

There’s a very interesting movement towards gender abolition. A lofty goal that would likely take decades, if not centuries. I sometimes wonder what that society would be like.

Primarily I would say I’ve excepted that my feelings are valid and that they do truly mean what I understand them to mean. Considering that transition is a big change in life, that does open a person up to a whole host of difficulties, I think it’s understandable to resist that change, even if it can ultimately lead to be happier with who are, your body, and how you fit into society. I think that is the main reason I am strongly of the opinion that affirming care is the most effective approach. By the time a person has come out as trans, they have likely already done a great deal of internal work like I have.

 

This concept also applies to the thinking that male has to equal man. The reality is that the labels are being redefined to accommodate our new learning.

 

Thanks for your reply.

I think this is going to have to be one where we disagree and have both seen research that supports our conclusions.

They’re not, but I feel right to try is a good practice and people should be allowed to try whatever medical procedures they think will help as long as they have informed consent.

Another one where I just have to flatly disagree. Sorry, I know those aren’t as exciting.

 

Why do you assume that it is a lie? Simply because it was always the other way before? By that standard, people bought into the lie that Galileo made in saying the earth moved around the sun, when it had always been the other way before. Further, let's assume that it is an illness. So is diabetes. Neither can be cured, but both can be treated. Do we deny people insulin simply because others don't believe that diabetes is real, or that it's a decision, and not the function of something different with the organ in question? The brain is just as much of an organ as all the others in the body, and if there is something different about the brain to make the person's gender different than their sex, then we treat the problem. And no we don't use insulin to make the pancreas work properly. We use it to treat the symptoms from it not working right. In the case of our GD, we don't have anything that can alter the brain such that the gender matches the sex, at least not without causing other and further damage. Maybe in the future we will, and then people with GD will have a true choice. But until then, we go with what actually works.

Well you got one thing right at least.

Simply not true. New labels might be generated and fabricated to better match, but the gender itself is not. It is simply there. What is happening is that people are rejecting the idea that because they have a penis or a vagina that their gender has to be X.

If such was the case then you could go out there and make millions by showing how it works better than the current system. But you can't because it has been tried before and caused more problems than it solved. The suicide ideation rate for those who transition and then detransition is twice that of those who do not detransition. Further the suicide rate drops by at least 44% for those who do transition, be it simply presenting, or going the full GCS or anywhere in between.

 

Okay, I understand what you mean now. I think it’s important to note that gender affirming care at its core is addressing an incongruity with sexual characteristics and gender identity, and that there is no one path to take. If you are going to take HRT, your endocrinologist needs to perform relevant tests to ensure they prescribe safe and effective medicines and doses. Every person’s situation is unique and every person’s mileage may vary.

Can’t find much research on regret rates for removing wisdom teeth. Not too surprising as I’m sure it’s not studied much. That said, unless it’s significantly lower than 1%, I don’t think it’s that much more immune to regret than gender affirming care like HRT or SRS. Of note, regret rates don’t seem to be affected by whether psychological pre-screens or informed consent are practiced.