So my parents are splitting up

My parents are splitting up (big surprise [that was sarcasm]) as I was informed last week.

Breaking up emotionally, but not physically. Yet.

You see, my mom doesn't believe my dad is good enough to be with, but is certainly good enough to offer free room and board. Oh, and a car payment. Mom can't get and hold a job because she has never learned to eat (*)(*)(*)(*) from the bourgeoisie, i.e. if a supervisor isn't her best bud she quits. In my twenty fours years on this planets, she has never held a steady job longer then a couple of months, and I can count all of those jobs on one hand. So instead, dad works his full time job and in the summer works 60-80hrs a week between his day job and side jobs. And still doesn't have a say in how money is spent despite bringing home 100% of the income.

So mom is still living with dad, despite dating multiple other men. Free room and board. And a free car payment.

I brought this little oddity up to my father and he doesn't want to rock the boat so that she will just leave with one of these guys quietly. Given the biased female favored system, I can understand this logic. I wouldn't want to loose half my (*)(*)(*)(*) and pay alimony for the rest of my natural life. He said the only possessions he cares about are his guns and guitars. I told him if it looks like the (*)(*)(*)(*) is going to hit the fan, he needs to "sell" me the guns and guitars for a penny and I will store them over here at my apartment.

I believe its totally (*)(*)(*)(*)ed up my mom puts dad in that position. Going on dates... spending the weekend at some dudes house... coming back to [what is now] my dads house... expecting to have the same authority over finances...

So, dear PF, is these a normal separation?

Or is this a little weirder than usual?

 

Sorry dude. Sucks when a marriage comes down to a free room and board.

 

Eh, yeah.

But I am really not surprised they are splitting up. I figured they were going to go their separate ways when my brother moved out last year.

So instead they got married. Well, renewed their vows. But mom called it getting married. Made dad look like (*)(*)(*)(*). People would ask about the wedding and I was like "Um... nope. They were married before I was even born. It just wasn't a huge ceremony.". They were both crying, people in the audience were crying, my brother was bawling, and I was just standing there like "get this (*)(*)(*)(*) over with".

Of course. I was drinking. In a baptist church. Crown Royal is a really good way to deal with awkward bull(*)(*)(*)(*).

*ranting

 

Thats ok; ranting permitted in this case.

 

It appears normal these days, don't feel isolated.

The last generation the culture was different where marriage was a necessity, so view it as a learning experience before tying the knot. For example the Europeans don't have kids any longer because they view them as an expense, that is why their population rate is declining.

That is at least how I see it, good luck.

 

What state are you in? If you live in an equitable distribution state she won't get that much. 2-3 years maintenance tops, and no child support because you are grown. The physical property will be split, but the big deal for most people is maintenance.

 

Doesn't seem normal to me - why would he let her stay with him and have free room and board if she's just living there dating other men and not contributing - if he thinks it's normal to put up with that then he brought it on himself partly.

He should have taken back the car, and told her to leave and room with one of the other guys. And yes he does 'have a say' in how the money is spent - she's not holding a gun to his head and forcing him to give her money for groceries and a car payment - if he's willing to voluntarily be a slave, then that's his problem - it's sad that this is what our 'beta' male culture has come down to - men actually think it's normal to be for lack of a better word - a btch, when a few hundred years ago a woman would've been afraid to even think about suggesting that a man let her live off his income while she dates other guys - because she knew she'd be stoned to death for even mentioning such a thing.

In all honesty this is one thing that Islam does semi-right - they know how to control their women, they just take it a little extreme. But Sharia law's almost starting to look like a better alternative to the 'beta male' culture that's infesting our society today sadly.

 

From hat I read the maintenance can be indefinite. <_<
http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/usstatedivorcelaws/a/colo_law.htm

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I totally agree.

I mean, I love my mother. But at the same time, I am piece of (*)(*)(*)(*) when it comes to certain things.

 

I was being a little sarcastic there of course, but I don't understand the motive of willingly let someone mooch off of you if they aren't interested in a real relationships - is it just sex?

 

My dad says he doesn't want to (*)(*)(*)(*) her off and get attorneys involved.

I think he should just bite the bullet and be done with it. If someone did that to me, they would be sitting on the street corner within thirty minutes. I am usually a patient person, however when it comes to infidelity, there is none.

He said he isn't interested in being around her, that includes sex.

 

I understand your father's position, if I read your post correctly, he WANTS her to quietly leave with one of her studs. That way he will be able to claim abandonment. That's a tough road for him. Doubly tough for you seeing that both of them are your parents. Hope everything works out.

 

at least your father should go to an attorney and find out exactly where he stands and what to expect if your mother decides to leave him and go after support and property.

For instance, by not leaving the family home, she does not reliquish claim to it. If she just took off, it might be a different story. Is there a threshold of contribution that effect longevity of support? etc etc etc.

Getting a firm understanding of his rights and obligations and what actions he should or should not take will undoubtedly save him grief in the future.

Itll bet it'll be one of the best couple of hundred bucks he ever spent.

 

Normal separation? Now way. Weirder than usual? Not these days. Welcome to the Misandic Republic of the Feminist Occupation. Where the woman can do no wrong possible, and if she does, it is his fault.

That being said, I'm sorry man. I am the biggest advocate of saving a marriage. If such a thing can be salvaged I would recommend it.

But at this point? I will not speak evil about your mother, she is still your mother after all. But if you want to help your dad, as you mentioned start selling stuff and make sure you have a bill of sale. Just make sure they are not things of joint ownership.

That being said you can also help by following her in a clandestine manner and gathering as much video, still frame, and audio evidence possible about her brazen infidelity. If this gets ugly, which is a very real possibility, your father will be in a much better better place to say "No, you don't get my stuff." Overall, it is a bad situation, but you can minimize the damage. If there must be dialogue or discourse at all between your mother and father make sure it is done over text and email, and keep a good record. No phone calls as people tend to get a little mad and say things that will bite them later. These are easily coughed up and admissible in court on his behalf, so long as he keeps his head and his tactics sound during the whole affair - NOT an easy task.

Key principle for your father right now is to separate finances yesterday. And Power of Attorney going to someone he trusts. Changing passwords as appropriate.

Basically, get your ducks in a row as stealthily as possible. Then give her the boot. The longer she remains in a false sense of security the better your chances are of helping your father until the time of action has arrived. Of course the boot first option is appealing too. But typically works out to not be of any advantage.

I've seen this happen too many times among friends of mine who have been destroyed by a woman. Hearing about it happen again is just enraging.

In the end, I am sorry to hear about that, that is a terrible situation to be in for your family. Pray to God it works out for you guys.

 

Yeah, until she says, "He hit me!" His life is immediately ruined forever! He needs to take every penny he can get his hands on in cash, torch the house, and skip the country.

 

Sorry to hear that, dude. When my parents split up in 93, I was only 4, so I didn't totally know the scoop, but when I got older, I learned everything, and my dad screwed my mom over pretty bad. It sucks.

 

Thank you all for your input.

Talked to dad today (stringing a mandoline, mandolines are pretty cool fyi), told him he needs to get on it. Told him to make a bill of sale for the important posessions (guns and guitars, but I am biased) and "sell" them to me. Told him he needs to move the money from my grandma's house too, $18,000 is a bit of money that shouldn't go down the drain.

He said he is going to call some law office in Denver.

So let's see if he follows through.

 

Really sorry to hear your family situation, Wolverine. It sounds like your Dad is finally going to seek legal advice. As for him selling you things for a penney, this may not be a good idea, as in court it might be deemed fraudulent. I would ask the lawyer about this.

I hope you realize that the situation is ot your fault.

 

Annnnndddddddd it sounds like dad is going to do jack (*)(*)(*)(*).

He is overly concerned with everyone's happiness, and doesn't care how he is treated.

I must be a heartless piece of (*)(*)(*)(*), because that (*)(*)(*)(*) doesn't fly with me.

 

That is a (*)(*)(*)(*) deal man. A (*)(*)(*)(*) deal.

 

Yep. But whatever. I'm not living over there. Doesn't impact me.

If he doesn't care, then whatever, I shouldn't care either.

 

I can only impact how people treat me.

If I was in the same situation, I would be tossing (*)(*)(*)(*) on the street.

 

As has been said already it's not unusual. Remember the old line from Anna Karenina? &#8220;All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.&#8221;

It's very true.

Your father is handling it the best way he knows how. He sounds like a very decent bloke but in the world of divorce decent people get screwed. He really does need to see a lawyer and get some advice as to his possible position and options. I've been there myself and I can tell you it's not pretty. Many men get supine, even if they're not the instigator of the breakup, it's a sort of extrapolation of their role as provider and protector of the family, they go into self-sacrifice mode so as not to harm anyone and in doing so get trampled. Those are not the words of a bitter man (me), just an observation from experience.

If you father can be shown that he has the whip hand (assuming he does) then he can also be shown how to be gracious and give more than he legally is required to. That may go some way to healing his sense of not being able to provide and protect.

I hope it works out.

 

Agreed. Plus your father is wasting time by not moving on.

 

I'm sorry. I'd be furious too. But your dad is most definately part of the problem. He is allowing it and he's not as vulnerable as you would think. Has he talked to lawyers?? There are lawyers out there who cater to the needs of men in divorce cases--who focus on making sure a man who's worked all his life is protected from being pillaged.

 

reminds me of my cousin, his wife was maxing out his credit cards to 16K per month, took over one of his homes and changed the locks without even a formal separation or divorce(I'd be kicking in the door)...he had no say over the son she brought into the marriage deadbeat from hell, he stole my cousins car lost control of it, wreaked it and then the kid's biological dad sued him! WTF!, that cost him 60K...when he finally sued for divorce and custody over their common son he had to pay for her lawyer to sue him because she had no money, then she didn't even show up for the custody hearing for the kid, she was only using the kid as collateral for a payout...all these payouts came as instructions from his lawyer who said it make him look like a hero in the eyes of the judge if he wanted custody of the youngest...

probably cost him about million to get rid of the gold digger and her son from hell, but he got custody of his remaining child, remarriage is not his future plans ...