So my parents are splitting up

but it can be so ugly and expensive to do it...if it were me I'd be selling off everything a piece at a time to family members cheap(temporarily) and to others for max value and banking the money out of the country, when everything is gone sell the house and split the cash, losing half the home is the price of marriage...then move far away where she can't find me...

 

It can be ugly and expensive---but a good lawyer has a strategy. Its worth looking into. And frankly---many women focus on the home and children while the men work the hours. As a "bread-winner" and as a former "house-wife" I can say that women need protection as well. It is a partnership.

 

I would get as much cash as I can get my hands on and skip the country. First, I would TORCH the house.

 

He's screwed unless he gets an attorney. She is not just going to run off with someone without demanding asset distribution, unless she meets a suave billionaire or something...



Bigger picture, your family situation is just a microcosm of the societal degradation that has been happening since the 80's: http://www.hoover.org/publications/hoover-digest/article/6798

As another poster mentioned, this is a symptom of the continuing war on traditional familial and communal paradigms that is being waged by extremist leftist elements within our country.

 

Sounds perfectly normal to me.

Marriage is for fools and women are bat(*)(*)(*)(*) insane and kind of cold.

My mom left my dad in a similarly messed up fashion.

 

He's being bullied by her big-time, it seems. Poor guy! I think he should gather evidence, including of her unfaithfulness toward him, and seek a divorce settlement in his favor.

 

You would think. I haven't asked how things are going lately. I don't really care. If he doesn't, why should I?

This falls way outside of the work, music, fire department trinity that composes 99% of my life.

 

It can be weird how relationships turn out. Some old neighbor of my dad's (we're in the same apartment complex, different buildings) apparently has his divorced wife living with him. He's an old guy who's a little weird in the head. He can be seen sitting out in his rented garage I forget the details, but he was apparently thinking of building a regular little home in there or some such. Like I said, not quite right in the head..

 

My parents got divorced about 7 years ago and my dad is still paying my moms monthly house payments even though he legally doesn't have to. I think it can be hard to be with someone for so long and then just let them go without at least still feeling connected to them in some odd way. However this situation is definitely different and I don't support your dads decision even if I understand it. This can't be best for everyone and regardless of the potency of mens pride your dad has to be suffering because of this.

Your mom is being unfaithful yes? What are the laws in regards to infidelity where you live? Even if this was “ok’d” by your dad it doesn’t matter. Tell him he needs to pretend to want to fix their marriage. He must document this every step of the way. Tell him to insist they go to a marriage counselor and even have him see a personal psychiatrist to talk about how “horrible” it feels that she is sleeping around on him.

He can easily “prove” that your mom is at fault for the divorce which should negate anything should would otherwise have access to.

He can give her a taste of her own medicine well protecting himself and his things and end this thing with most of his life intact.

Let her realize how lucky she was to have him in her life and if she doesn’t realize it it just means shes moved on and they can both live their lives.

 

Maybe she is still living home because she knows her boyfriend wont put up with her crap. Just a guess of course...I'm sure she feels she is doing nothing wrong, but people will justify the wildest stuff.

Stay close a good to your Dad, he needs you. You will probably never know how much.

 

This is really sad!

If everything you say is real, your dad has been taken advantaged of for many years.

Can't he show that she has been unfaithful and not contributing her share of the wealth?

Your dad sounds like a person who is TOO kind! Sometime, they fall victim of other people because they are kind, and they allow the oter person to dominate them.

Obviously, your dad found some form of reward in behaving that way over the last few years or he would have asked for a divorce!

It's such a tough position for you to be in. . .split between parents!

 

Wow, I would give my mom a serious piece of my mind if she pulled this....

Ask her if she is proud of e example she is setting for you? Or if she even cares.

 

if your father puts up with it, no one to blame but himself

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how would you get her out of the house?

 

I'd torch the place.

 

Tell him to get a lawyer experienced in divorce and throw ask his opinion. Seems like he's keeping her around purely on a cost-benefit analysis that might be incorrect. In any case, the lawyer will know the best course of action.

This assumes he doesn't feel anything for her anymore.

 

Doesn't work that way anymore. "No fault" marriage is the norm now.

 

I really haven't asked about anything. No idea if mom has gone to see this dude.

It falls neatly outside of work, music, and fire department.

With my doing the music for a friend's wedding, I have other things to be focus on.

 

Your mama's clearly taking the (*)(*)(*)(*) here. Bringing other guys around, even if she no longer loves your father, is outrageous!

But to answer your question, this is not actually unusual. In fact, such horrible circumstances, treatment, fighting, backstabbing etc. are pretty much the norm. The "clean break" I imagine is unlikely. I'm just guessing with this.

If it's his house, kick her out. If it's her house, move out. If it's a joint house.. Well I don't know TBH.. If he can prove hostility he can petition a court for her to vacate. That's independent of the divorce proceedings which can come later. And temporary until the settlement sorts out who gets what. But like Ethereal says, get evidence. Try recordings for that. His phone should be set to voice record at all times around her.

 

Sounds to me like your mother is in crisis and wants to lash out at your father.

Sometimes marriages hit a rocky patch after 25 or 30 years... and if the couple can survive those years they move into a more mellow and appreciative phase.

Try to stay out of it and look after yourself.

Sometimes a period of separation (and madness) will bring insight..

 

You will find answers in simplicity.Don,t expect anyone else to follow,confirm, or understand,both yourself and all around you are being bombarded with trash,for political gain.

 

Divorces are random. I left and divorced my ex in 2007. I have no ill feeling towards her as I think we were really good roommates but not compatible at all as a couple. But as I am the antichrist for leaving her we do not talk. Her daughter who is my stepdaughter took it all in stride... her actual words were (its about time!!!) lol, she saw it coming from a mile away.

Some couples divorce and remain good friends while others hate each other. You know what to expect in a divorce? The unexpected... ranging from chaos to dignified closure.

 

My uncle is still on good terms with his first wife...and her new husband. In fact, he was invited to her second wedding. He taught her husband to drive a standard shift.