You Might Be A Conservative If...

Eh... There is a Progressive One Too

1: You’re irate over the president taking so many vacation days on the taxpayer’s dime (61 thus far), but you thought George W. Bush earned every minute of his leisure time (196 days at the same point in his presidency).

2: You’re happy with your 40 hour work week, paid vacations and company-provided healthcare, but you’re strongly anti-union, because those commies haven’t done anything for you lately.

3: You strongly support the First Amendment and its guarantee of religious freedom to all, but you don’t think Muslims have a right to build an Islamic Community Center in Manhattan.

4: You believe Ronald Reagan was a devout Christian, even though he hated going to church, but any president who spends twenty years going to the same Trinity United Church in Chicago must be a Muslim.

5: You believe when a Republican governor creates a healthcare package with an individual mandate for everyone in his state, that’s a good idea. But when a Democratic president does it, suddenly it’s unconstitutional.

6: You’re so enthused about demonstrating your Second Amendment rights, you can think of no finer place to brandish your pistol in public than at a presidential rally.

7: You believe Bill Clinton was responsible for Osama bin Laden’s escape ten years ago, but thankfully George W. Bush caught up with him and killed him in Pakistan.8: You believe in putting American jobs first, except when president Obama rescued 1.5 million GM and Chrysler autoworkers, because that was socialism.

9: It angers you that you can’t communicate with the Mexican busboy at your local Olive Garden, but when you took a vacation to San Francisco’s Chinatown, you thought it’s quaint that so many Chinese-Americans are holding fast to their traditional language. Because that’s America!

10: You deny that the lunatic who tried to murder Gaby Giffords was a conservative, even though he targeted a Jewish, pro-choice, pro gay rights, Democratic Congresswoman.

11: You thought it was perfectly normal that every president in history had an untethered right to raise the debt ceiling when warranted, but when Obama asked the GOP held congress to do it, you thought it only natural that it be tied to cutting Social Security and Medicare.

12: When the new 112th Congress was sworn in, you swooned as they promised to focus on “Jobs, jobs, jobs.” But when they pivoted, and went after NPR, Planned Parenthood and gay rights, you cheered.

13: You accuse president Obama of raising your taxes to the highest point ever, even though they’re lower today than at any time since 1950.

14: You believe the wealthiest Americans are “job creators,” and they are — but it doesn’t bother you that all the workers in those positions are in India, China and Malaysia, and they’re doing the jobs that our fathers once did.

15: You believe gays are anti-American, because their lifestyle is a threat to the children… unless they’re married to Tea Party-backed presidential candidates from Minnesota.

16: You strongly defend individual freedom, but that freedom doesn’t include a woman’s right to decide her own healthcare needs.

17: You believe corporations are people too, and are deserving of the same rights as the rest of us. Just not the same obligations to pay personal income tax free of corporate loopholes, or penalties for massive criminal behavior and tax evasion. In these matters, corporations are deserving of special rights.

18: And since corporations are now people too, you must believe in their right to a driver’s license, the right to marry, to adopt children, etc. These rights shall not be denied to Exxon, Halliburton and BP (but still immune from the right of the People to try, convict and sentence to death any corporation that conspires to commit a felony… because at that point, they’re suddenly not people again.)

19: You still believe Climate Change is a myth, and the recent record highs, lows, floods and droughts around the world coinciding with climate scientist’s predictions are all an amazing coincidence. Oh, and Al Gore is FAT!

20: You believe when George W. Bush took the national debt from $5 trillion to $11 trillion, it was necessary for him to do so to keep America safe. But when Barack Obama added to it by trying to rescue the country from a second Great Depression, he was deliberately trying to destroy America!

21: You believe America is a God fearing country, and that the Almighty protects those who believe just as you do. But it’s never crossed your mind that the majority of tornados, hurricanes and floods all occur in the Bible Belt.

22: You believe that no matter who’s in the White House, the office, if not the man himself is deserving of your respect. The only exceptions to this rule, are if his middle name sounds Muslim, and if he’s not at least as white as that black guy who works down in the mailroom at the office.

 

oh whereEVER shall we start??!

61 days? that was in the first YEAR of his Presidency.

and doesn't count little jaunts where he hops Air Force One and flies off to New York to 'date' his wife (or whoever it is that flies up there with him.)

I think unions performed a valuable service at one time but they are obsolete.

I believe people have a right to. I think common courtesy would make someone not defecate on someone else's holy ground. WE don't allow our service men to urinate in the direction of Mecca for goodness sake, is it asking too much for a little consideration from them?

well I would expect that President to actually remember SOMETHING he heard if he in fact did sit in the pews so much...Obama claims he never heard a word his pastor said...

it's called STATES rights vs FEDERAL rights. Read up and learn something. If New York wants to tax it's citizen to flight then fine but New York can't tell Texas to.

why would that be any different than any other place? a law abiding citizen is law abiding whether he is standing outside a store or a rally.

no, Bush is in the Dallas area I believe..

yeah, socialism: 1. Any of various theories or systems of social organization in which the means of producing and distributing goods is owned collectively or by a centralized government that often plans and controls the economy.

yep, cause I CHOOSE to go to the Chinatown...and Chinese workers are not swarming over the border, telling me that we 'stole' their land...

no, he was mentally ill:

sorry but you can't pin mental illness on any party...as much as you want to try

http://www.theatlantic.com/politics...ting-suspect-named-jared-lee-loughner/69143/#

Obama is spending money like a drunken sailor, it is Congress's JOB to control him.

I dont' remember swooning but whatever...

yet you want to tax the wealthy even more thinking they will change there minds about sending their money overseas?? how does that make any sense?

how can you claim to be progay when you use it as an insult to a married man? if it isn't a bad thing, why would you use it as such? You are showing your homophobia

nor does it include the right of anyone to assault or kill another.

so silly...we don't want any more rights than the unions get.

well, explain how that would work exactly? if Walmart was found guilty of a crime would you want every single person that works there executed? Well that WOULD free up some room for the rest of us, wouldnt' it?

we believe MAN MADE Climate Change is not proven.

See, we know history...we KNOW that the world has not always been the exact same since it formed millions of years ago. we know that the Earth has gone thru many stages and we don't believe we are powerful enough to control the weather. And wouldn't WANT to. We can't even guarantee whether it will rain TOMORROW but you think you know what the weather will be like in a hundred years?! Really?!

The Debt increased $4.9 trillion during President Bush's two terms. The Administration has projected the National Debt will soar in Mr. Obama's fourth year in office to nearly $16.5-trillion in 2012. That's more than 100 percent of the value of the nation's economy and $5.9-trillion above what it was his first day on the job.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20019931-503544.html

if there is no God then what's your point? seems to me that would be between them and God if there is any corelation.

how white IS the Black guy who works down in the mailroom at the office? please tell us all about him...

 

Some of those are pretty funny! Do you have the one on Liberals?

 

That was actually pretty funny!

 

Guy, just to future refernce, conservatives threw "W" under the bus long ago. No one worth their salt thinks he is a conservative....except for liberals.

I think this is how liberals process George W. Bush.

You see, "W" came up with the drugs for senior entitlement, but the entitlement was not big enough to qualify him as anything but a conservative. In fact, it comes no where close to the entitlement of Obamacare. "W" went to war in oil rich Iraq and Afghanistan, that makes him a fascist conservative but Obama is free to carry on these wars because he was "stuck" with them. Of course, oil rich Libya was not a war, it was a humanitarian effort. "W" may have ignored illegal immigration but he did not sue states for wanting to uphold the federal laws against illegal immigration nor did he make Executive Orders bypassing illegal immigration laws, that makes him a conservative. "W" ran up the federal deficit, but he did it by funding wars abroad and smaller entitlement programs than Obama did, that makes him a conservative.

Oh yea, "W" was against killing the unborn because tax funded planned parenthood failed to prevent you from becoming pregnant. That makes him a far right winged nut case. Yippee!!!

 

Some of those made me laugh hard. thanks

Anyone who takes that serious enough to reply is a bleeding conservative.

 

Geez, this is a humor thread, you're supposed to laugh, be happy and mellow out.

 

Injest, I did not make this up it is from a website.

 

I understand, I didn't mean my response to be a slap at 'you' you...more a rebuttal of the rhetorical 'you'...

(it is funny; I am sorry if I spoiled it for you)

 

its cool
haha i got your message

 

Its great... very funny..............

 

I agree with all of it.

 

I think the humor in this thread may have scared everyone off.

 

I think it is because the conservative ratio on this forum is 3 conservatives to 1 progressive, and everything has some truth just like the other one.

 

My friend told me the other day that he was a left leaning libertarian. To me that sounds like an oxymoron. After talking to him about it, I discovered that essentially this means they want the government running every aspect of their lives with the exception of having the freedom to smoke tokes and abort theier offsrping. After all, having offspring is problematic when all you want to do is get high all the time.

 

You might be conservative if its ok to deny social minorities equal protection under the law, but the phrase "Happy Holidays" is religious persecution.

 

You might be a a conservative if you are outraged at the thought of a liberal telling you how to live your life, but think it is perfectly acceptable to tell a liberal how to live their life.

 

You might be conservative if you believe that allowing gays to marry will mock the sanctity of marriage, but you have no problem with heterosexuals getting married and divorced multiple times.

 

This was tongue and cheek right?

Yep, they both suck.

Private vs public sector unions. And when a union has a "right" to take money from your paycheck even if you aren't a member cause the government has made it a law, yeah, that would get me mad.

It was more of a matter of respect more than anything. Kind of like not saying the n-word cause of all the hatred it brings back with it.

Nah, Obama isn't a muslim, just an idiot if he never remembers Wright spouting so much anti white hatred all over his congregation.

Big difference between state ran health care that maybe constitutional under their STATE law vs federal constitution that makes FL pay for healthcare for people in WA.

Why not?

Yeah, they both suck.

It was GMs right to fail because of their unions syphoning off the profits that lead to a crappier car. The free market spoke and said that Americans weren't going to pay for that piece of crap made by people getting $40/hr to mostly sit in the break room.

They both suck. America's language is English.

...Forget WHO he shot and look at WHO he was. His life was riddled with liberal activities, and thus made him so crazy cause he couldn't handle so many contradictions.

No, since Lincoln did the debt rise without control. The founders never wanted the country to have debt and that is why they paid off their debt as fast as they could after the revolution. Are you starting to see why both the left and the right are one in the same pretty much?

Government funded organizations should lose their funding. Now if they can still make it in the real world, so be it. Gay rights is a different issue and I thing the right needs to leave them alone. So far you are just showing the difference between left and right progressives and not a conservative.

Income taxes yes, they are low. The hundreds of other taxes that are being added on that the lower classes ultimatly pay for, yeah he is raising them.

Because the corp tax in America is to high and it is cheaper to ship the goods from over seas on boats than to transport them around the country on rail.

Yep, another example of a progressive rightie.

Chosing not to get fat or lose the party lifestyle is not a healthcare need.

Now that one is just stupid no matter where it came from and shows another example of progressive, big government agendas.

Nope, not people.

Yet you will change the terminology year after year to make the propaganda fit your argument. Global warming, global cooling, oh hell, the climate is changing everyday, much be because of humans, or cow farts, or earth worms.

Both are problems for the country. Obama spending twice as fast as Bush with no benefits is just horrible.

And this proves what?

Wow, then you finish with the typical liberal race card. Bravo.

 

Nah, there are many "progressives" (big government) that think they are conservative, they just don't want to admit it. Kind of like there are "socialist, communist" (biggest government) that think they are progressive, they just don't want to admit it.

 

You might be a conservative if you can't figure out why this comic is funny!

 

You might be a conservative if you don't see any problem with what the TSA people are doing in this comic.

 

You might be a conservative if this is what your God actually says:

 

Again, another example of a progress from the right, not a conservative.

 

Funny, but really, is it the butlers job to tell the boss how to spend his money?