I'm not going to get into the whole religion thing

but I'm just a bit confused..I've been married to a wonderful woman for 7 years now..I've been faithful and respectful..I've given her everything and tons of love..even though I'm not religious I was raised catholic and I'll go to church with her if she asks me to..we've been married together twice and renewed our wedding vows just 2 years ago to a priest in front of 150 people, relatives and family..the first time was a small ceremony..
I just found out 6 days ago that she's 4 weeks pregnant with another guy..
ya, I know what you are thinking..I must of done something wrong..I can't think of a thing and I know I'm not perfect but honestly there is nothing..I'm in shock and clueless..
don't your wedding vows count for anything??for better or for worst..??
once a cheater always a cheater...
man do I have a lot of thinking to do...this is just killing me and I haven't even been able to think of what the finical repercussions are going to be yet..
pick your woman wisely because once you say I do that's it..

 

57 and still kicking ass how old is your wife ?

 

Very funny thread title. Sorry about the marriage though. I have never seen ex-partners make a successful go of it, too much baggage, prior history, and basic core incompatibility eventually cause the partnership to destruct all over again. Why are you calling her a wonderful woman though? Seems like good riddance to bad rubbish to me. Work on your self confidence. If religion can help you see your self worth give it a try. Vent some of your anger though or you will end up very sick. If you think about it you have lots of things to be angry about don't you? Running away from your anger wont make it go away, it will cause it to tear you apart from the inside. Good luck.

 

From what we can gather with the information of the thread and rendition, that was a thinking persons inquiry. : - )

If either party is promiscuous thn there is no committed. But nature took over and now it seems a child is to be born.

Next question is, are you up for raising it? I bet your relation reaches a new plateau if you overcome the bs. And you get to teach that consciousness what the (*)(*)(*)(*) life is.

Or perhaps reconsider " I'm not going to get into the whole religion thing
" as with religion some will let you drag the wife behind a car for being a slut.

 

Wow. I am so sorry to hear that my friend.

 

thank you Wolverine..it really brightened my day hearing that from you and it's greatly appreciated..
I'm spiraling into a deep depression and need to pull myself out of it..
the reason I posted this last night is that I have no one to talk to..this coming saturday my best friend is getting married and I'm the best man..my 3 kids in their 30s will be there along with all of my family and friends..how can I ruin his wedding by letting anyone know..it's his big day..how am I going to keep a happy face and act like nothing is wrong..everyone is going to be asking me how come your wife isn't here..they all love her and so do I..
this story just keeps getting worse..I'm not one for self pity but I'll give it a shot..I told her I'm not raising some other guy's kid..so I guess this 30 year old guy is stuck with 18 years of child support..I was going to talk to my lawyer today but I cancelled..I'm so angry and depressed I can't drive..I haven't seen my wife for 4 days now and don't even know where she is..
by the way she's not a slut..she's a wonderful person but made a horrible mistake..we are done as far as I'm concerned..
I guess life goes on..

 

I'm only going to answer this from the perspective of how I perceive God. Right now you're in the middle of it, but with faith, you'll pull through and find out how this unfortunate incident was used to benefit you and for the glory of God. It's easier to not believe this, but the rewards are vast if one does.

 

I am sorry too. You might consider not making any decisions until you've had some time coping and reflecting. And you do need people right now! People on your side that will be supportive. Family? You're children?

Don't let the depression get you. You will be fine and things will be fine. You just need some time to deal with it.

 

Your story reads like it's a joke. But if it's true you are in some serious trouble. For one thing each day you stay married is evidence that the kid is yours. If you are married when it's born you will be considered the father and have to pay future child support.

You need to burn a path to a divorce lawyer right now. You also need to remove yourself from all future contact with your wife for your own safety and security. It's easy to fly into a rage and attack her, in which case you will end up in jail. So forget all of the mushy stuff and stop maing excuses for her behavior. Just wipe it all from your mind as if you had never been married to her.

And you had better get on the ball immediately because any mistake you make will cost you dearly. You will suffer if you allow yourself to suffer. Your divorce will cost you a lot of money. Don't let it cost you anything else.

 

So sorry! That is really tough, and NO ONE but you and your wife can figure it out. Maybe this is the time to let, not man made religion (if you choose not to), but your own spirituality help with the thinking and the finding of the right path.

It obviously also depends on what she wants to do.
My heart goes out to you. . .but that is ridiculously inadequate to deal with such an issue!

 

Well, I see your point. . .but don't forget that we are in 2012, and we do have DNA tests to demonstrate paternity without any doubt!

 

Once you get tagged as the father it's your's.

Houston man forced to pay child support for child that DNA proves isn’t his
http://www.khou.com/news/local/Hous...child-that-DNA-proves-isnt-his-124472429.html

Man Receives Oral Sex, Ordered to Pay Child Support
2011-02-27
http://mensnewsdaily.com/2011/02/27/man-receives-oral-sex-ordered-to-pay-child-support/

Man Forced to Pay Child Support for Another Man's Child
http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/stro...ay-child-support-for-another-man-s-child.aspx

Men that are Not The Biological Father Still FORCED To Pay Child Support
http://www.topix.com/forum/city/moberly-mo/TFLDPJC75IU9FQA7N

 

thank you all for the kind replies..I truly wish this was all some made up post but it's not..I'm no idiot( well maybe I am) but I'll be 58 in June and this is my second marriage..I know all about the legal repercussions..
I closed down my checking accounts and credit cards today..I had to cancel seeing my lawyer today..I've been drinking heavily all day and shouldn't be driving..I never drink and drive..
funny thing is when she told me this news last tuesday I had a doctors appointment on that day for an ear infection and I asked him about a DNA test..he said it's best to wait until the baby is born..we've been trying to have a baby for 7 years now and I had 2 lab tests which came back with a very low sperm count..the chances that I'm the father is just about null..nada..
she came home today begging me for forgiveness..she hates the guy that knocked her up..I told her there is no way in hell that I'm going to raise someone else's kid..the guy is a friggin loser with no job..why should I be responsible..
the layers of chit just keep getting worse..she's never worked a day in her life..how is she going to support herself..?I tell ya women are nuts..
anyway there isn't much that she can get me for..the house belongs to the bank and all my other possessions I already owned before we got married..I had just bought her a 2012 toyota and told her to friggin keep it and I I'll keep making the payments..
isn't it strange how you can still love someone so much and hate them at the same time..
we had an amazing 7 years together and I just can't understand how she could do this to me and throw away her entire life...
as soon as I get my best friend's wedding behind me this saturday I'll be able to talk with family and friends and get this all behind me..
thanks for letting me share and get some of these horrible emotions out of my system..
with anger we can't think straight and probably what I've written here makes no sense..
and no..no focking god is coming into the situation...

 

I have some little difficulties to understand what's your problem. Do you think you are not able to be a good father only because your are not the biological father of your wifes baby? Why do you not fight to win her back?

http://youtu.be/fmMu20RiwRA

 

I know you are hurting, but don't throw marriage away. You need to sit down with her and talk about this, find out what the hell was going through her head. She has problems, and those problems led to her straying.

Take a few weeks to get your head together and think about things, then have a long discussion about your future, but don't throw away 7 years on what was likely a stupid mistake. Everyone deserves a second chance.

 

Its not as innocent as getting a lap dance from a stripper, but it is still just sex. It could be a forgivable mistake but that depends on you. The Yakuza pratice a ritual called Yubi-tsume, in which a dishonored member cuts off one of their fingers to show atonement for their mistake. Here is some information on it.

Yubi-tsume (指詰め lit. finger-cutting) is an atonement ritual in yakuza culture. Gangsters who fail to properly carry out their duty, embarrass their gang, or get their coworkers killed or arrested must make amends to their Godfather (oyabun). The traditional method of apologizing for mistakes and reaffirming loyalty to the gang is through yubi-tsume. This can be done voluntarily, or as a proper response to the demand: ケジメつけろ (make amends). The offender slices off a knuckle from the pinky for each offense. It is not unusual for yakuza to lose both pinkies.


Im not telling you to get your wife to do that or anything, but atonement is a possibility.

 

Cheating is unforgivable.

A lot of men consider it normal to cheat on their significant other.

Have you ever cheated Charlie?

 

get an abortion, problem solved.

 

never!! I was married for 22 years before this marriage and was always faithful..the last one ended when I found out she was screwing some guy from Alaska..

I told my wife I'd forget the whole thing if she got an abortion but she wants the baby..I'm to old to raise a kid..what kind of dad would I be..chit, when I'm 70 the kid would only be 12..I've already raised 3 wonderful kids..I don't want to hear a baby crying at night and change diapers again..anyway it's not even mine and not my responsibility..I'm retired and want to enjoy what ever few years I have left..taking care of a pregnant mother is a nightmare..
I was dating several nice women before getting married again but I live in a very remote area and they would get bored..women like to go out and party and I'm content with staying at home unless I take a trip..I'll be flying to NYC in july..I was planning on going to Hawaii with her but that's out now..

 

Are you serious?

 

It's kinda confusing... you've been trying to have a baby with her for the last 7 years, but now that she's preggers, you're too old to raise a kid?

Don't notice that you mention her age, so assume she's quite a bit younger than you.

My advice... give it some time. Don't make any rash decisions right now. A child is a child and like they say, "is worth twice as much as the parents."

Obviously you're heartbroken... and with good reason. Just remember you're not the first man this has ever happened to... and you won't be the last. Take it one day at a time. And pray for the wisdom to make the right decision.

 

He has NO obligation to stay in this marriage. A child is a child is a child and that's why the fathers of these children need to step up. He is only a human and he didn't bring this child into this world. It is not his problem.

 

I didn't say a word about 'obligation' -- just going by what he said earlier:

Since this thread's in the Religion section... maybe he prayed for a child? Be careful what you pray for... sometimes it doesn't happen exactly as YOU planned.

 

He said in this thread NOT to bring God up so I doubt he prayed. It sounds more like he is trolling religious people and his way to subtly say "see, God doesn't exist, look what he did to me". But this could just be his karma because from remembering his posts in the past he has a very nasty attitude.

 

If you look within and find that you were buying her love, you have your answer - not that it justifies adultery, but a woman who (justifiably or otherwise) holds her husband in contempt can be expected to look for "love" wherever she can find it.