Tasteless Humor 3, Lord How Many More?

Veritably tasteless.

 

Three Jewish mothers are sitting on a bench, arguing over which one’s son loves her the most. The first one says, “You know, my son sends me flowers every Shabbos.”

“You call that love?” says the second mother. “My son calls me every day!”

“That’s nothing,” says the third woman. “My son is in therapy five days a week. And the whole time, he talks about me!”

 

I swing for fences every at bat.

 

What's the most embarrassing thing about getting your keys locked in your car outside an abortion clinic?



Having to go in to ask for a coat hanger

 

What do Pink Floyd and Dale Earnhardt have in common?





Their greatest hit was the Wall

 

I've cruised about 10 times, and noticed something peculiar, so I asked the captain, "Why don't you see black people on cruise ships?"

He told me they won't fall for it a second time.

 

Ad seen in my church paper:

Altar boys wanted. Those with braces need not apply

 

So, you want cannibal stuff? OK, then ...


What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after he dumped his best friend?


Wiped his ass.


Happy now?

 

As a horse rancher on my honeymoon with my bride checking into our suite, the desk clerk asked "Sir, would you like the bridal?"
I replied "Naw! I'll just hold her by her ponytail until she gets the hang of it."

YEEHAW!

 

I wouldn't approach a raptor that size! It'd kill them both and then eat them. We have roadrunners.. the dogs here will mess with everything.. javelin, rattle snakes, coyotes, bobcats, everything EXCEPT the roadrunners.. if one runs in front of the dogs.. they avert their eyes to avoid eye contact.

 

Your dogs watch too many cartoons.

 

Darwin's proof

 

No idea what that means but it sounds good.

 

Whatever it means, it's just not cricket.

 

Baseball reference. It's an American thing.

 

...and only an American thing.
World Series my arse.

 

Jealous much?

Baseball is very popular in Japan, Korea, much of the Caribbean, Central America, and Venezuela (where the wining team gets to eat the ball for dinner). They play it some in Europe, too.

 

Isn't their version called "cricket" ?

 

Meh, doesn't even make the top ten most viewed sporting events.
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/20...ents-in-the-history-of-television_a_23367211/

 

I think you'll find that baseball is a version of our game ''rounders''.

 

Baseball is a thinking man's game. I don't do those third world games like soccer.

 

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

 

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."
Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.
Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.
Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."