Tasteless Humor 3, Lord How Many More?

I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

With any luck, right after it finishes college.

 

A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone.

"I went to get a haircut," was the reply.

"But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?"

"Because," the gentleman said, "I didn't need one then

 

the original name for the virus was 'kevorkian's lil helper'
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.
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butt the estate demanded royalties

 

How much do I like kids? Well, if the food shortage gets much worse, I guess I could get used to the taste with a side of fava beans & nice Chianti.

 

I just ordered a pizza for lunch, and they asked whether to cut it six or eight ways.

I told them to cut it six ways 'cuz there's no way I can eat eight slices.

 

That's sick.


Kids are like veal, a white wine should be served.

 

red wine with dark meat, blush with yellow

 

Your lack of Haute cuisine sophistication is showing.

 

wine is for whiners pretending they have class...

beer is best with everything...

just ask a vintner, the best ones prefer beer themselves

 

Spoken like a skid row wino. If if weren't for bad taste you'd have none at all.

https://www.winespectator.com/artic...ite-wine-with-fish-and-red-wine-with-red-meat

Dear Dr. Vinny,

Why do we pair white wine with fish and red wine with red meat?

—Anita, Kathmandu, Nepal

Dear Anita,

I think the overly simplistic saying “red with meat and white with fish” was useful because it was easy to remember and created in an era when the circle of influence for cuisine and wine was smaller. These days it’s no longer considered gospel, and for the most part replaced with the adage “drink what you like, and eat what you like.”

Even so, there are some general strategies to apply when pairing food and wine, including doing your best to either match or contrast flavors, weights and textures and to balance the intensity of both the dish and the wine. If you look at wine and food pairing this way, “red with meat and white with fish” actually includes some useful advice.

Red wines are almost always higher in tannins; their astringency can make the wine feel a bit "drying" on its own. But paired with a rich, fatty piece of red meat, the tannins can seem smoother, as fat diminishes the perception of tannins. Meanwhile, white wine can be a better complement to fish because of its higher acidity, which I like to think of as a squirt of lemon juice to brighten the flavors of seafood.

Of course, these basic rules change depending on how the dish is prepared. Is it grilled, wood-roasted, sautéed in butter, smoked, braised or poached? Is it spicy? Served with fruit, mushrooms, or fresh or dried herbs? There are so many variations that the simple rule isn’t always very helpful. But if you want some more pairing ideas, browse our Recipe Search!

—Dr. Vinny

 

I rarely mention to anyone that I was an intel analyst in the Army. An old girlfriend asked me about my service, and I had to tell her that I had sworn to a 40 year non-disclosure, and that I was forever forbidden to discuss any specifics. I went on to tell her (jokingly) that if I did tell her anything specific that I was duty bound to kill her & eat her. She thought about it for a few seconds then asked if I could eat her first.

^ True story.

 

Long pork is best served with cider.

 

FEAR NOT! The festival has been rescheduled for Saturday, May 9th.

https://www.lenconnect.com/news/20200317/deerfield-testicle-festival-on-hold

Gosh, I remember one year when MRS. BB's cell rang during the festival. I answered, and had to tell the caller that Mrs. BB couldn't talk as she had two testicles in her mouth.

Ah, the good old days in Meechigan.

 

Oh, 10 P.M. Well, that's the last time I make that mistake.

 

I try to put my long pork IN cider.

 

When I boarded the airplane today the flight attendant told me I had to wear mask. I asked if it was to control the spread of the virus. She said that, no, it was to control their vomiting.

I was an ugly baby. When I was born the doctor slapped my mom.

 

I found a unicorn!!!!!!!!!!

 

You’re not a Kiwi are you?

 

No, I'm an Iceni.