Do you have any friends or family who are gay?

Do you have any friends or family who are gay? And the follow-up:

Did your relationship change after you learned they were gay, and in what way(s)?

 

I know numerous gay people. My best friend is a gay man. I live in a part of town which used to be semi-industrial and quite run down but has been revitalised as a kind of gay village.

I've never been particularly homophobic but I used to make fun of gays when I was younger just to fit in with the crowd. I quickly realised, once I met some gay people that the kind of prejudice they face is not that different from what I faced being a non-white child back in the 1960s, just people making loads of assumptions which don't seem to make sense when you're the one about which things are being assumed.

I think, politically at least, the UK is many years ahead of the US when it comes to gay rights. That's not to say bigotry doesn't exist but as a largely non-religious country it doesn't have the institutionalised support of the big churches. Even the conservatives are advancing a same sex marriage bill which will replace the, legally equal, civil partnerships we have right now.

My relationships don't change based on peoples' sexuality. I either like people or I don't. I tend not to like bigots. They usually have issues they're looking for someone else to blame for or some stupid notion of their own status which they're trying to maintain.

 

I know, and am friends with, several homosexuals. My relationship with them didn't change when I "found out" because I always knew. They never made a secret of it.

 

Both.

I have an aunt who has been openly gay since long before I was born. My perception of her or my relationship with her has never changed, as I grew up with it.

Also, one of my best friends whom I've known for over 20 years, came out shortly after we graduated high school. I had no idea beforehand, so I was a bit surprised, but that lasted for all of about 2 minutes.

My personal feelings toward a person are not affected in any way by their sexual orientation. It's just another one of the many aspects of who they are. I see no reason why one should feel different about another after finding out they are gay. Nothing has changed, they are still the same person. You only now possess some information about them that you did not previously.

 

Of course but I'm not consumed with the subject as some obviously are. My friends are my friends who happen to be gay. They aren't gays who happen to be my friends.

 

Both and both male and female

and none of them are "in your face" activists

they are who they are and just behave differently in the bedroom than me. Other than sex, we're the same. They eat turkey with me at Thanksgiving and we cry together when we lose a loved one.

None support Obama either so the whole stereotype that those who have gay sex are liberal is hogwash.

 

Ditto. I also have a couple of friends who were married and lived straight lives, then divorced and are now living a lesbian lifestyle. It didn't affect our friendship at all. A person who would reject a friend because he discovers the friend is gay was never a friend in the first place. True friends stick by one another.

 

That's an excellent way to put it.

 

Yes, my attitude change after they started to make sexual passes, I don't mind having gay friends but I do mind if they start to make sexual passes or wants a sexual relationship I prefer to be with lesbians than with gays

 

If a male heterosexual made a move on you that was unwelcomed, how would you respond?

 

So then the question is: Did your attitude change toward just the ones making advances, or toward all gay people?

 

I find it strange, all these people who say nothing changed. It's so completely opposite of my experience as a gay man. Not only did it seriously impair my relationship with my family for many years, but I've lost what I thought were close friendships over it and I've seen how quickly it puts the brakes on budding friendships as well.

I've also seen people who were perfectly fine with it in the abstract but bailed when faced with the reality of meeting their friend's same-sex boyfriend or girlfriend, or in the case of family, shutting out the same-sex partner of a family member.

So I'm not talking here about reactions to being hit on, or full on displays of same-sex affection. Just the mere knowledge and in some cases the reality of a same-sex relationship existing.

Not that I'm saying you're all liars, but it does seem to me that there's a wide gap between how some people perceive their relationships with gay friends & family, vs. what those gay friends or family experience from their side of the relationship.

 

Good question. But what would be considered "a move"?

Some people can't even handle that a gay person is reasonably attracted to them. I know that is homophobic... but homophobia is a real thing.

 

You have hit the nail on he head; it isn't that people are lying about it... it's just that the questions within the conversation must be expanded to meet the reality of what being "gay" actually means.

I know one thing for sure... gay people can't wait around in this world for homophobes to accept them. Still, some of us are fortunate enough to know family and relatives who accept us as the human beings we are. They don't freak-out at who/what we are. That is just a plain old blessing.

 

Probably more people would accept you as human beings if you were less paranoid and obnoxious.

 

Ex-pats in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

 

Have you met anti-gay hatred face-to-face, when it is directed at you?

If you want to know what that is like... just tell people you (your screen-name) are gay online. You'll learn a lot.

Or would your "gay" be kept in the closet? (In which case you'd be relatively safe and sound... unless someone or something OUTED you).

 

that's really not quite fair. Everyone is fair game online.

 

yes, my son

and

of course and in too many ways to really explain in a post.

 

we were/are incredibly fortunate that our son's partner is his best friend from school. we knew and loved his partner before we knew anything about their feelings for each other. and in the case of his partner before HE really knew about his feelings for our son.

it would have been MUCH harder on us to deal with a stranger. there have been a couple of guys that have hung around that have really put that in perspective for me.

 

Even so, there is a way to make your identity online known. This screen name I'm using, isn't my REAL name, but a decent search of it WILL show you that I'm not pretending about my sexual-orientation. Also, you'd see the responses I've experienced online. In any case, being gay and saying so, will see hatred directed AT you (even other homosexuals)... that scores of homosexual people are more than willing to confirm with their personal testimony.

 

Not that I know of. I had my suspicions about a few cousins many years ago but I seem to have been wrong.

 

Question for the few who answered "not to my knowledge":

Do you know any gay people (not counting online)? What do you think is the reason that you don't have any gay friends?

 

I have a manager at work who is openly gay. He's amazing. Very camp, but very funny. He is a good friend, so I guess I should have voted yes, instead of the option I did.

 

With regard to those who have gay family members: How closely related?

The only gay family member I know of for certain is a third cousin once removed - pretty distant. We'd never even met before we both started researching our common ancestors. I have an older first cousin on my mother's side who has never married, so suspicions arise, but I don't expect I'll ever know.