The most offensive joke you know?

Lifestyle choice.​

 

[video=youtube;7PSwvVR9_OU]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PSwvVR9_OU[/video]

 

I don't get it

 

What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
The pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

 

Don't tell a joke like that then. It's an offensive joke to advise people who don't want stupid advice.

I'd add that also.

Now back to offensive jokes...

How do you get the Yanks to join a war? Tell them it's nearly over.

US dollars say "In God We Trust". British notes carry a picture of Charles Darwin. Good luck with that...

THE WAR AGAINST TERROR....
....Satan's way of teaching yanks geography

If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why are the yanks worried?

Statistically... 9/11 americans won't get these jokes. 7/7 Brits will.

 

Jeez o. That is really offensive.

 

The harshest film critics in the world, it would seem, live in Colorado.





Keep the world a safer place. Move all movie theatres into your local high school's.

 

I hear Colorado has the best horror 3-D films in the world.

 

Why are trees so close in Harlem?
A.....Public transportation


What do you call a black woman who has had 9 abortions?
A.....A crime fighter

 

What was going through those White kids' heads at the Colorado movie theater!
You know..... a bullet.

 

"And they call themselves 'The Aristocrats'!"

 

Top Ten Country & Western songs of all time.....

10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine

9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few

8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'

6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win

5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here

4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him

3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger

2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer

And the Number One Country & Western song is...

1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day Long

 

I was gonna tell a gay joke, Butt (*)(*)(*)(*) it.

 

Kind of doesn't work with the censoring, but good one.

 

What did one gay man say to another gay man at the singles bar?

"May I push in your stool?"

 

A truck driver gives a homo a lift. As they were going the truck driver unleashes a massive noisy fart. The homo says: "Ummmmmm you're a virgin i see."

 

4 gays are in a hot tub when a blob of semen floats to the surface. One says, "alright, who farted?"

 

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.


Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said....


"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.

Rumor has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can be a real ***** to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.

New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases with age.

Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.

This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to lease one, and replace when it becomes troublesome.

 

What is 18 inches long, stiff, dark in color, and makes women scream at night?

Crib Death

 

The best and worst thing about having sex with a five year old? The best is how big your pecker looks in that little hand. The worst thing is getting the blood stains out of your clown costume.

 

Why is Italy shaped like a Boot?

They couldn't fit all that (*)(*)(*)(*) in a sneaker.

 

My wife left a note on the fridge:
“It’s not working. I can’t take it anymore! Gone to stay at my Mom’s.”

I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.

Not quite sure what she was talking about.

 

My wife left a note on the fridge:
“It’s not working. I can’t take it anymore! Gone to stay at my Mom’s.”

I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.

Not quite sure what she was talking about.

 

A young Korean couple are lying in bed when the guy starts farting continuously.

"That's disgusting!" shouts the wife."It's the dog."the guy claims.

"Don't blame the dog" she yells,"It was perfectly cooked!!"

 

Do you know why the blond had bruises on her belly button?

Blond men ain't real bright either.