Children are Pointless

Translation: "I'm stumped".

 

Yes... yes, your intellectual prowess has me dumbfounded. I shall never again attempt to engage you in conversation, for fear that I might be dealt yet another trouncing.

 

Kids do hurt relationships. Women tend to put kids before their husbands and that is foolish.

 

Why is that foolish? Mothers SHOULD put their children first before all things. Yeah it can be annoying, but it's best for the child.

 

I see that with a lot of young mothers via facebook. Co sleeping with a child (everynight, not just if the kid is sick, or had a nightmare, etc) is CRUSHING to a relationship. When you can't be intimate with your partner, because Jr is always RIGHT THERE, the relationship suffers. But to those that do co-sleep with the child don't care.... to them, co-sleeping makes them a good mother and shows the world how much they care "because Jr cries when I'm not there and I'll do anything to make sure he doesn't cry"

I think it's important to understand that kids CAN hurt a relationship, but it's not hard to prevent if you understand the issues. Again, with age and experience comes this knowledge. As an 18 y.o., I wouldn't have understood the problems with co-sleeping had I had a kidthen. I see those hidden dangers a little more clearly now, though

 

not all the time it's better.


Co sleeping is a perfect example

 

Men by nature want to be needed and desired by women. My wife knew me before our kids and I put her before my kids. Now, I would do anything for my kids, but they know their place. While she has gotten better at putting me at least equal to the kids, there was a long time she forgot I existed.

 

It's a balance. Marriages with kids require attending to the child/children's needs while still keeping the relationship healthy. Parents periodically need some alone time.

 

Kids suffer if their parents are in a loveless marriage. When women start putting their kids' father first, it would benefit the whole family.

 

At the end of the day, my kid is more important than me. My needs are trumped by his, period.

 

this.....


"attending to the child's needs" /= never saying no to the child, or even always putting the child first?


if you sacrifice your marraige over putting the child first over the relationship, you now have a child from a split home. How is that better?


Why people seem to think you can't provide a healthy environment for your child while prioritizing other aspects in your life is beyond me. They are not isolated things.


If you lose your 6 figure job because you chose t-ball practice over finishing that multi-million $$ project, is an umemployed parent better than an employed one? Sure, missing practice here and there is not the same as never coming to practices..... but lets be realistic.... it's not going to hurt anything by having to miss it.

 

I've seen parents who focus too much on the kids and I've seen others who focus not enough on the kids. You can go wrong either way.

There are a lot of couples (particularly unwed ones) that neglect their kids in order to focus on each other.

 

Did you even bother reading my post ? I'm saying the husband and wife to put each other before the kids. I never said anything about putting yourself before the kids.

My order goes

Wife, kids, then me.

 

that's fine... but what if his immediate needs trump his overall needs?


you run your hubby off because you prioritize jr crying at night due to separation anxiety..... now you have a child from a split home....


what's more important.... him having a few restless nights of crying, or no daddy living at home?


so while your intentions may be very noble, you are failing to see long term consequences to your decisions

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God, Family (wife,kids, then me), country

 

I am an atheist. But I'm glad you put your wife equal to or before your kids as I do.

 

If a man runs off due to the scenario you describe, then he's more akin to the OP, than any sort of actual man, of father. A selfish little (*)(*)(*)(*)(*) who never grew up, who can't handle... well... much of anything, who's unable to communicate and rationalize with his woman.

 

Yep, I read your post... perfectly well.

 

All people in the family needs should be equal. That's the point of a family, is to take care of each other. No one persons' needs should be more important than anybody else's.

If one person marries another and demands that their needs be taken care of without taking care of the significant other's needs, then that is a one way relationship.

 

I thought I remembered that... but I was simply trying to expand a little for me personally.... but yes..... Spouse, child, myself is definately my order.


I know that will confuse some that think I would support my wife if she beat my child.... I won't. But a healthy adult relationship is very important in developing a mentally healthy child. I rank happy parents providing a healthy example of relationships higher than Jr wants to sleep under mom's arm everynight

 

probably because his mother co-slept with him and he didn't have a healthy picture of a relationship..


I understand, you are a "Showy" parent that needs immediate validation with immediate rewards for your behavior.


"I put my child first" as your facebook status gets you 100 likes instantly, but shows you can't focus on long term issues you are creating by trying to show how good a parent you are. you think saying no to your child is bad because they may not like you, and you create a brat. you run off man after man, and you wonder why your son will sleep with 100 different women in his lifetime.....

 

I'm a guy... I don't post crap like that on facebook... I end up sleeping seperate from my child and woman all the time... my kid isn't spoiled... won't be....

 

For sure. With that attitude, they'll be long gone and happy about it.

Families are more mobile and splintered than they were 40, 50 years ago. To pack up and move across the country is normal. If you think your kids will quit their jobs and move back home to care for you when you're ailing, you're in for a B.I.G. surprise.

 

Wise, if cowardly, move.

 

Why? Because she was the sole childcare giver?

Maybe she was so busy cooking for YOU, taking care of YOUR kids, earning YOUR second income, washing YOUR clothes, cleaning YOUR house and making sure YOUR mother got a birthday card, and YOUR kids teacher was remembered at Christmas, and YOUR social obligations were fulfilled while taking care of YOUR kids that she didn't have much time for you.

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And when men grow up and put their wives and kids first it would benefit the whole family..

 

Good luck in the home.