So why does a relationship have to have sex, or why does sex have to legitimize something at all? This is something I've never heard of before. I believe that if all a relationship is based on is sex then you really have no relationship at all. I also don't feel the need to equate sex with emotional love. To me, it's just something that is entirely physical and has nothing to do with love. Sex is either just for physical pleasure or for procreation, and I'm not really into either of those. I can get pleasure from doing other things, both with and without my girlfriend. Sex means absolutely nothing to me. And my responses were not about the OP. My hang up with sex is the usual "oh, he's not like me so I must get him to be like me" junk.
Really? You don't have any age cut offs? Without further explanation and clarification (which I hope you will here give, that itself is an absurdity). People can seem more mature for their age, but that's because you're seeing them in a certain light. That is to say that there is more than one kind, or measure of maturity. You might know a girl who had a hard father and knows what hard work is (and doesnt complain about it) in her early twenties, but then she has the emotional maturity of a high school freshman.
Since you hardly know her its good to drop the emotion and evaluating objectively. Don't get where its hard to break up after you learn she's well off through two mysteriously dead husbands. But I don't think 24 yr old woman is too young for a 38 year old man. Maybe you can learn to want to see the world again.
I talked to a women I have been weak kneed over, it was awkward. Not sure if it was the two second moment of silence when I was thinking about what to say, or the cookie in my pocket that left a condom like oil ring in my pocket. Or maybe because my friend's wife has been passing what I tell my friend to this lovely young women. Even though I asked her not to do that. *shrugs
It doesn't but that's essentially the difference between a romantic and a platonic relation. Without sexual attraction or activities it's really more of just a friendship. That's what all romantic relationships are based on, if not then they're not romantic, they're platonic. The quality of a relationship isn't related to whether or not the relationship involves sex or not. If a relationship only revolves around one thing, such as sex, or playing tennis, or playing Minecraft, then it's still a "relationship" - just not a close one. If a relationship involves deeper emotional bonds, passions, life experiences, etc - then it's a close relationship (whether platonic or erotic). Most people don't - sex is a recreational activity that people in romantic relationships tend to enjoy. Emotional love isn't mutually inclusive or exclusive. That's correct. So is playing Minecraft for that matter - whether there's deeper love or not is a completely different issue. If 2 people do nothing every day but play a video game together that's not exactly a relationship based on something "deep either" - to be honest sex would be a bit deeper then that since there's actual interpersonal contact. So you never masturbate? lol c'mon be honest Most people can, no one "needs to", they do it because they want to, you're acting like this is something "unusual" - only point is that if your relationship is 'platonic' strictly then it's more of just a friendship than a "girlfriend/boyfiend" relationship. You're too hung up on "you" and all the ways you imagine that "you" are so different than "everyone else', but really you're not - people are similar in far more ways than they're different, and there's nothing I've heard from you that I haven't heard from a million other guys. It's really sour grapes, if not you won't feel the need to have chimed in with the pretentious suggestion that if the OP's relationship includes "sex" as an activity that it's somehow excluding any type of deeper emotional bond (while at the same time using the false presumption that "playing video games" is any more of a "deeper emotional activity" than sexual activity). It really isn't. Everything you're saying is just the typical guy who's lamenting some bad luck he's had in previous relationships (as you've expressed in other threads), and therefore developed an unfairly negative attitude toward "sex" in general.
I am now comtemplating the possibility, that making out with this gal was a mistake. Not only that, but EVERY time I made out with a girl that I barely knew, be it on a first date or someone I just met around somewhere, was a mistake. I think these kinds of activities are best to be left to guys and gals...that can handle it emotioally & intellectually. Folks who will NOT get all emotionally worked up about it, think they are in love, think its a guarunteed relationship, think that they will definitely now date, etc. I am clearly not one of those people. On a rare occasion I am, but not when I actually like the person I am talking to and spending time with. My sister's bf always tells me that if I actually like talking to someone, I should take my time with sex. He's right. But maybe I need to add pretty much all intense physicalness with that. It clearly confuses me.
No arbitrary ones, just guidelines. As a rule I'd prefer closer to my age but I'm open to other possibilities, because I personally see stronger differences in maturity levels between individuals versus age ranges (I think automatically equating mental age with physical age is false). In practice I'd probably never end up dating someone 20+ years older/younger than me. What personal experiences are you going by? Most high school freshman would probably crap themselves over having to clean the bathroom at McDonald's, lol There's a strong correlation between emotional maturity and maturity in every area of life, so if you'd give me some better examples of what you mean I'd be interested.
Well, a person shouldn't get too terribly attached too soon. Or at all. That sounds (*)(*)(*)(*)ty, but it seems to be the way it goes anyway. If you assume the negative, it may prevent behavior acted on the overly optimistic assumption of X.
If you really liked this girl then it might be a good idea to take it slower, since 'rushing' too fast could drive her off - but from what you'd posted it sounded like you were playing patient anyway instead of going home with her immediately. To me it's not that hard to handle emotionally - I think if a person's at a lonely point in their life, or they too strongly equate sexual attraction with "love" then they might "feel bad" if the sexual encounter doesn't lead to something longer lasting - that's why I think it's better to have an independent mindset and not feel like you "need" sex or to be in a relationship just to feel good about yourself - it's something that's nice to have, but not your whole purpose of living. If you have that mindset then you can enjoy sex, or have a more serious relationship - but without excessive emotional baggage or "clingyness".
this has happened to me many times. i get physical with a woman quick, I confuse it with mutual affection and a mutual desire to date, and then BOOM......she doesn't want to date or simply doesn't want what I want. like you, I thought that not taking her home and having sex with her was good enough....but apparently it wasn't. i think, if Im smart, I need to pull back my limit much further. perhaps no making out on a first date anymore. as to random women I meet and get close to while drinking? well that happens not very often to me.
Lol, I assume that 20yrs your junior is about 18? I said that your statement that you have no arbitrary cutoffs is absurd. Apart from laws, you'd date a 17yo at 38? And if you think "well duh I wouldn't", why would you (or wouldn't you) do the same with an 18yo? My point is that people can be mature for their age in certain respects, but age is a very good 'overall' indicator. I very much disagree. For example, I once dated a girl who was a very hard worker who was a hard worker, had good familial relations, was active in her Church, but had little emotional maturity.
I always thought it was the woman getting emotionally attached after some sort of physicality? The modern woman can be just as casual about intimacy as any guy...they can sneak off with the car in neutral and no note and no intention to ever call. They can separate the body from the mind, and use intimacy strictly as a no-attachment diversion. Entertainment for the night. Find a hobby is my best advice. Women are acting more like men and Men are acting more like women...the progressive's Unisex utopia is not that far off. I have personally sworn them off, and enrich my life in other ways not to mention my bank account.
well, having another woman today give me her number and tell me we should get a drink, has helped a lot. like i said, i need more eggs in my basket and this will be less stressful. im also going to a Meetup event tomorrow with lots of hikers, including attractive female ones, so that will boost my self-esteem and maybe I'll meet more pretty ladies. this is my cure. as for 24 year old blond? my plan was to send her a text tomorrow afternoon and say "hi, how are ya??" make her think that these last 2 days Ive just been in my own world, and suddenly decided to remember her.
Ya know ssomething, when you relize what a stud really is, it makes me wonder how studs became used in this manner. For example, studded tires. Wall studs. And so on.
wow, this just took a very exciting turn tonight. we were watching the USA game today and the gal came...as did another guy who is younger and more attractuive then I. but we were all talking normally and stuff. then we all went to a restaurant, and she was drinking A LOT while I was just having water. ...then I noticed the younger guy's hand was on her leg. so...i start feeling soo stupid and (*)(*)(*)(*)....and needing to give myself some therapy. so i started sending myself some text messages to rationalize and deal with all of this. i ended up sending one message saying "im such a food for thinking making out would lead to us dating" and "i need to learn some better self protection. ......but i didnt send those messages to myself..i send them to her!!!!!!! when she responded, she apologized for making things uncomfortable, and i ran out of the restaurant when i realized what i had done. I then apologized to her, telling her how sorry i was, and how the messages werent meant for her. she said it was ok. and of course she ended up leaving with the new guy.....and her drunk self. yeah, maybe making out wasn't a mistake, but it certainly was a mistake to think it was going to be anything more than making out with a 24 year old girl who is new to NYC. and if I can't see things in the correct context, and not jump to conclusions, I should avoid such behavior. ...im still sooo embarrased.
