Tasteless Humor 3, Lord How Many More?

Definition of Irony - When the Year Of The Rat starts with a plague.

 

Reminds me of this (fake caption)...

 

Haha, nice catch!

Question, just where do you put the fuel nozzle when filling a Motaur with gas?

 

Did you hear about the politician who was so big, that when he died that they couldn't find a coffin big enough to hold the body?

They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.

 

Best Reversed GIF Ever!

 

The minister dies and the congregation decides, after some time, that his widow, should marry again. Since it is a small village the only available candidate is the local butcher. Although very reluctantly, since she was used to living with a bible scholar, she accepts.

After the marriage, on Friday night just after taking a bath - the new husband tells his wife, "Look, my mother always said that before the beginning of the weekend it was a blessing to have sex."

They do it and then on Saturday he tells her, "According to my father it is a blessing to have sex during the day before the Sabbath.

There they go again and when it is time to go to sleep he tells her, "My grandfather told me that one should always have sex on Sabbath night."

Finally they go to sleep and when they wake up the next morning he tells her, "My aunt says that a Christian man always starts the Sabbath by having sex. So lets do it."

Finally on Monday she goes out to the market and meets a friend that asks her, "So how is the new husband?"

"Well, an intellectual he isn't, but he comes from a wonderful family."

 

I see America has plans to save thousands more lives when the coronavirus lock down ends.
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They're not opening the schools.

 

A man goes on vacation for a few weeks and leaves his cat with his brother.
After a few days, he calls his brother and asks how his cat is doing. The brother tells him, “I’m sorry, but the cat died.”
The first man gets angry and says, “How could you just break it to me like that? You knew I’m not coming home for another week, you should have said something like, ‘The cat is on the roof and we can’t get it down,’ then the next day I’d call back and you’d say, ‘We got the cat down, but the vet says she’s in bad shape, she may not make it,’ and then the third day I’d call and THEN you’d tell me the cat had died. That way it wouldn’t come as such a shock and I’d have been able to build myself up to deal with it!”
The brother apologized.
Then the first man said, “I’m sorry for snapping at you like that, but you know how sudden tragedy is worse than gradual… Anyway, so how’s Mom?”

And then the brother says, “Well, she’s up on the roof and we can’t get her down.”